They call it love.

We are all a little weird

and life's a little weird

and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours

we join up with them and fall into mutual weirdness

and call it love.

-Dr. Seuss

Amen!

The other day I was talking to Jaymeson about a certain person who I claimed I would wish bad things on. (I wouldn't really wish bad things on this person, but sometimes it's fun to think about... haha.) He laughed and said that he thought that if anyone, it should be my ex, because he ruined my life. My immediate response to this was, "No, he didn't. He made it so much better!" And that he did.

My heart was definitely broken into a hundred pieces a year and a half ago when Jon decided he wanted a divorce, out of nowhere, and for no significant reason. I didn't know where I was going to go or what I was going to do with my life next, and I definitely didn't want to do it alone. But let's be honest... I'm pretty sure I fought the divorce so hard because of the embarrassment of being divorced. Especially after one short year of marriage.

Today my best friend Stephanie (that I miss SO much) found a quote that she wished she had expressed to Jon before our divorce. You see, Stephanie and her husband Jonny, were mine and Jon's BEST FRIENDS. We did everything with them, and I think besides our families, they were hurt the worst by our divorce. The quote said "Sometimes you make the right decision, and sometimes you make the decision right." When she said that to me, my instant thought was exactly what I had expressed to Jaymeson. That was the right decision... at least for me.

Now, I don't agree with divorce, to ANY degree. And this might make some people pretty upset. Jon made a stupid choice. But his stupid choice, allowed me to have a second chance at happiness, at finding myself, at finding that person I really do want to spend eternity with. And for THAT, I am grateful. I am so happy where I am in my life, and I know, without a doubt, that I never would have gotten there with Jon. Yea, Jon and I could have made it work, and given the chance, I would have done everything I could to make that marriage work. But I never would have been genuinely happy, like I am now. And for that reason, I agree with OUR divorce. 

With that said, I am currently going through a second divorce. What's that, you say? Yes. A Temple Divorce. 

I apologize in advance for all the Mormon jargon that's about to get tossed around. If you have questions, feel free to ask.  

My ex is getting married, and although we all know that a "sealing clearance" should be asked for... it is what it is, and I'm happy it's being done now instead of later.

Everyone's always told me that once the sealing was cancelled, it was gonna be like getting divorced all over again. And to be honest, for a split second, when I mailed my letter off to The First Presidency of the Church, I thought "Crap, I'm not going to be sealed anymore." But because I have great faith in Heavenly Father and my Savior Jesus Christ, I know that even if something happens to me, it will all work out for my good. The official cancellation hasn't gone through yet, and probably won't for some time, and it might be sad for me for a second...

(**Disclaimer** Not BY ANY MEANS (despite some belief) because of any feelings towards Jon, whatsoever. Just because of the sacredness of something like that being taken so lightly by someone I chose as my life partner, finally coming to an end.)

...but I know that once it is final, I will forever be free, with no connection whatsoever, to that part of my life again. Can I get an AMEN!? Luckily, Jon and I were smart and completely separated everything, and I mean everything we had and did when we separated. (For that, I am also grateful.) So once this is over, I literally won't have to deal with or associate with my ex-spouse for the rest of my life, even over little things. I feel sorry for those that do.

I am happy to say that I have ZERO regrets about my divorce. I never once made any rash decisions, or acted on impulse. I thought everything out completely and clearly before I made any decisions. And even when it was hard, and even when he didn't, I remained fiercely loyal to the person that I made a marriage commitment to. I know that Heavenly Father is proud of me for the choices that I have made, and will continue to be proud of me for the choices that I am choosing to make.

I love my life! :)

Grateful

Normally I write in my blog when I have something to think about, something to teach, something to complain about, or something to nag about. Not today.

Today I am just grateful.

I am a lucky girl. And I think sometimes I forget just how lucky I am.

I have a family who loves me. I have a boyfriend who loves me. I have a job that most people at my age, and level of education, don't deserve. I have a car that runs. I have a warm house, with warm and loving roommates. I have beliefs. I am healthy. I am getting an education. And so so much more.

I am so grateful for everything that my life has placed in my direction, and everything that God has blessed me with. Despite a lot of hard times in my life, I am so happy that I am where I am, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

At least for today. ;)

So today I want you to know, that I am grateful.

It is the reminder that the fight goes on...

"It is the plain and very sobering truth that before great moments, certainly before great spiritual moments, there can come adversity, opposition, and darkness. Life has some of those moments for us, and occasionally they come just as we are approaching an important decision or a significant step in our lives."

Thank you to my good friend Heidi for reminding me of this wonderful devotional given by Elder Holland several years ago.

I've been thinking a lot about this very thing lately. It always seems like the transition from Summer to Winter is always a hard time in the lives of people that I know. It certainly is for me. I hate the Winter. But besides that, I'm in the middle of a long process of a lot of big decisions in my life. I've been up and I've been down. I've had happy moments, and very sad moments. I've been hopeful, and I've been hopeless. And I've been really lost. But this passage from Elder Holland helps to put everything into perspective for me.

He reminds us that Satan doesn't want us to succeed spiritually. Meaning the small things, such as going to church every Sunday, reading our scriptures and praying, being an example to those around us. Or even the big things, such as living the Law of Chasity, or the Word of Wisdom, or choosing to be married in the temple. He reminds us that when we are at our highest points, they may feel, or even turn into our lowest points because of Satan.

Elder Holland says that "With any major decision there are cautions and considerations to make, but once there has been illumination, beware the temptation to retreat from a good thing. If it was right when you prayed about it and trusted it and lived for it, it is right now. Don’t give up when the pressure mounts. Certainly don’t give in to that being who is bent on the destruction of your happiness. Face your doubts. Master your fears. 'Cast not away therefore your confidence.' Stay the course and see the beauty of life unfold for you."

He tells us that "This opposition turns up almost any place something good has happened. It can happen when you are trying to get an education. It can hit you after your first month in your new mission field. It certainly happens in matters of love and marriage. It can occur in situations related to your family, Church callings, or career." And that is so true. When I look back at the moments in my life, where I was doing my best, that is when I felt the pressure to do my worst. And ironically enough, the moments where I have been my lowest, are the moments that I have drawn closest to God and strengthened my testimony in Him.

Something I have been falling short on is my ability to have confidence in myself, and in my decisions. I don't pray to know as often as I should, and then when I do, I doubt that my thoughts are coming from God, or if they are coming from myself. (You see, I am definitely an overthinker.) As Elder Holland explains, we can apply a great message from Moses to our every day lives today:

"Don’t let your guard down. Don’t assume that a great revelation, some marvelous, illuminating moment, the opening of an inspired path, is the end of it. Remember, it isn’t over until it’s over.

And God will help us to know when it is over.

My favorite quote from the whole devotional is this:

"The reminder is that we cannot sign on for a battle of such eternal significance and everlasting consequence without knowing it will be a fight—a good fight and a winning fight, but a fight nevertheless."

How often are we fighting for what is right? How often do we sit back and allow wrong to happen in our lives and in the lives of those around us? It's hard. This life is a fight. But just as Elder Holland states, "..we cannot sign on for a battle of such eternal signficance... without knowing it will be a fight...". And I am prepared to win the fight.

Something that brings me great comfort is this thought; "Fear ye not, stand still, and see the salvation of the Lord. … The Lord shall fight for you.”

The devotional ends with Elder Holland exclaiming, "If God has told you something is right, if something is indeed true for you, He will provide the way for you to accomplish it."

I have seen that in my own life, in my families lives, and in my relationships. I know that to be true. God will never allow us to be tempted more than we are able, and he will always provide a way for us to accomplish the things he asks of us.

We are here for a reason. This life is hard, but it is a test. And I want to pass it. I will pass it, with flying colors, and I will live in eternal salvation with my family forever. I cannot wait. :)

If anyone would like to read this talk as a whole; it is called “Cast Not Away Therefore Your Confidence” by Elder Jeffrey R. Holland. And you can find that on www.lds.org.

:)

A special surprise...

I had the opportunity to surprise Jaymeson and his daughter with a very special video yesterday morning that brought them both to tears.

Jaymeson had a lot of videos and pictures of Jayah growing up, learning to walk, and learning to talk on his old blackberry phone. He no longer had the phone and had no way to get the pictures and videos off of his tiny little SIM card, which made him really sad that he would probably never be able to see them again.

After weeks of trying to figure out a way, I finally found someone (Justin Smith) who had the same phone that Jaymeson used to have, that could put the SIM card in and download all of the information for me.

After I looked at all the adorable little videos of Jayah, I decided I wanted to put together a special video to make him cry. (That was my goal... and it worked. haha)

Kristi Teshima and I worked on this video for weeks. We had a few other people help us gather more pictures and videos, and I secretly questioned Jaymeson about songs and sayings that meant things to him and Jayah until it slowly all came together and we had enough material to make a video.

I came over to Jaymeson's house early Saturday morning while he was still sleeping, stuck it into his DVD player and turned it on. He woke up to the sound of one of the lullabies he used to sing Jayah to sleep with and came out to see the video playing in the DVD player.

It was a very sweet moment for him, and I'm grateful I was able to capture and put together something special for him that he will have for the rest of his life.

Here it is: :)

Tuesday the 30th

On to more serious thoughts...

For those of you who can't read that:

"The time you invest to deeply understand the people you love brings tremendous dividends in open communication. Many of the problems that plague families and marriages simply won't have time to fester and develop. The communication becomes so open that potential problems can be nipped in the bud."

My parents are divorced, I'm divorced, and because I'm divorced, a lot of people that I know are divorced.

This "Habit for Highly Effective People", I believe, could save marriages.

If you look back on all the relationships you know of, of people that are divorced... I bet communication was one of the top causes in their divorce. I know that when I first got divorced, a good friend of mine was preparing a lesson in Relief Society and she wanted to know my thoughts on "characteristics of successful relationships" and that was the first thing that popped into my head. Communication.

Now, Heaven knows my divorce was caused by much more than miscommunication, but I firmly believe that if we had communicated properly with each other, a lot could have been avoided.

In my relationships with my family, friends, roommates, people at work, and even with Jaymeson, I've noticed the difference in communicating issues and solutions when they come about, instead of letting them fester and blow up days later. It's ALWAYS a good thing, and it's probably saved a lot of my relationships with people.

I'm obviously not a pro at it, but I'm working on it. And I know and value the importance of it.

Just passing along some knowledge... :)

A dyslexic guy walks into a bra...

So I just downloaded an app that allows me to blog on my phone. I think that's amazing. So I'm taking this opportunity to find anything I can write about in my last 1/2 hour of work...


Hence the joke. (And no that is not a typo.)

PS. Don't tell my boss. :-O

Bless the Broken Road.

Thank you to Rascal Flatts for inspiring this next blog post.

Jaymeson and I had the opportunity to go to a Rascal Flatts concert this weekend with some of our friends. (They were amazing, but that's besides the point.) We had a good time, we laughed, we sang, Brandon almost got beat up, and I won a huge beach ball from the radio station. :)

But I think the most important thing I (re)learned this weekend, was that everything happens for a reason.

While Rascal Flatts was singing their famous song "Bless the Broken Road", Brandon snapped this picture of us:

(Its obviously been photoshopped cuz I'm cheesy, ok?)

When I saw this picture, and heard the song, all I could think about was God really did bless my road. I've been hurt. Seriously hurt. By many men, family members, friends, lots of people. But everywhere I've been is exactly where I should have been. And everywhere I'm going has everything to do with the road God blessed me with. Looking back on all the pain, I wouldn't change it for the world.

I used to always tell myself and everyone else that Jon was an answer to my prayers. He magically appeared into my life right after I ended a very long and hurtful relationship. He swooped in and swept me off my feet, and because of him, I easily healed and moved on from that relationship when it otherwise could have been a very long and hard process. When I first got divorced, I spent a lot of time angry at that thought. How and why would God put Jonathan into my life to help me heal from my previous, devasting relationship and then turn around and hurt me worse?

Two reasons:

1. I did need Jonathan to help me heal from that relationship. But also, I believe the heartbreak of that previous relationship helped to prepare me for the hurt that would come from my marriage. Jon helped me heal from that relationship, and in turn he helped me to know how to heal from our relationship.

2. Jonathan led me to Jaymeson. Weird, right? Jaymeson and I know each other through a very twisted, complicated string of people. But without my marriage to Jon, I would never have known Jaymeson. And my broken road, has thus far, lead me to him.

I learned a lot down this long and crooked journey (Whoops, popped into Bachelor mode for a second. When does the next season start anyways?) that I've been on. I learned to love unconditionally, I learned to allow myself to cry (well, almost), I learned to be honest with myself, I learned to trust, I learned to be independent, I learned to give myself completely, and so many other qualities I hope to continue in all of my relationships. But most of all, I learned that God is with me the whole way.

I don't know where Jaymeson and I will go, but I do know that because of him I am a better person. And because of me, he is a better person. We fight and argue and bicker just like every other real relationship, but we also laugh and cry and dance and love together. We teach each other, we help each other, we have learned so much about ourselves and each other and relationships that if we do not end up together, we will be one hundred times more prepared for our "soul mate" (if you believe in those) than we would have been otherwise. We each are in the place that we need to be, and for what ever reason, we need each other now. And I'm grateful that my very broken road led me straight to him.

:)

"It's all part of a grander plan that is coming true."

My New Favorite Song

I live for music.

Jaymeson showed me this song this week and we both have been listening to it nonstop. 

I guess I'll share :)

Enjoy. :)

Wisdom Teeth. From. Hell

I just got my wisdom teeth out. And I will never do it again.

You're probably saying, "Well at least you won't have to...", but that's not true. I have two more.

I've literally spent more time at the dentist this Summer, than I have in my whole life combined. Here's why:

I originally went to get a cavity or two changed from a silver filling to a tooth colored filling. (Which are really cool, because you can't even see them. Thank you Kristi Teshima for showing me the light.) I had to make 2 or 3 visits for those because of insurance coverage issues, but once that was all said and done, I thought "Hmm.. I haven't had my wisdom teeth out yet, so let's take a gander at that." So we did.

Findings were that I have four wisdom teeth, the two on the bottom needed to be taken out ASAP, and the two on the top can wait a while. So I went ahead and scheduled that appointment. The dentist I had been seeing made it seem like it was a piece of cake, they could do it in the office, just with numbing shots and I'd be good to go. Supposedly my wisdom teeth were the easiest they'd seen; triangular, straight roots. Because I have a full time job, I was limited on my options to make an appointment. I ended up making it on Friday, which caused another appointment or two because they normal dentist doesn't work on Fridays, so the other guy who did wanted to check it out.

I went in to see him, and he talked to me about the procedure, said it would be fairly easy, but recommended that I go to an oral surgeon. His exact words were, "If you were my sister, I'd tell you to go to the surgeon." But me, being the penny pincher that I am, decided I'd be fine, I'd just do it at the normal office, save the money, and I'll be fine. So we set up the appointment.

For the next 3-4 weeks, I heard HORROR stories all over the place about getting wisdom teeth out. Seriously, it was like God was like "WAKE UP. It won't be easy. Go to the surgeon." Psh.

So I went to my appointment, terrified. They gave me two shots on each side and my entire body started shaking. I was scared as heck. I'm kind of a wuss when it comes to pain and I had no idea what to expect. I asked if I could put my earphones in and listen to music during the process to take my mind off of what was going on and I did. I listened to a mix that Jaymeson made for me and it kind of helped at first. Then it got hard. They made the incisions, got the teeth loose, and then realized that they roots were going backwards instead of downwards. Doesn't seem like that big of a deal, does it? But apparently, they didn't have the tools to get the teeth out that way. So I ended up with a few more incisions, lots of pain and wiggling, and then finally after an hour or so later.. a stomach full of blood and 3 stitches on each side of my mouth.

I was fine at first. Jessie came and picked me up from the dentist, and took me to Walgreens to get my prescription of Lortab filled, a few redboxes for the weekend, and some soup.

Then she took me home. And I was all alone. I was fine with that at first cuz I was still pretty numbed up, but then the numbing wore off, and the Lortab kicked in on my empty stomach, and I was alone, and in pain, and very emotional. Jaymeson was working late, my roommates were out of town, my family was in Texas, and I was alone.

I eventually got up to switch the gauze and rinse out my mouth, and I immediately got nauseous. It was retarded. I couldn't do anything, I wanted to die. (It seems dramatic, but I promise, it was that bad.) I eventually called Jessie, bawling my eyes out, who came to my rescue like she always does. She watched a movie with me and let me lay in her lap, while she played with my hair until I fell asleep.

Next thing I knew, a handsome man was standing at my feet. I had fallen asleep for an hour or two, Jessie had left, and Jaymeson had finally gotten off work. He helped me gather my things and got me into the car so he could take me to his house so I wouldn't have to be alone for the weekend.

We didn't get very far until I got very nauseous and ended up having to pull over at Big 5, a random gas station, and two or three locations on the side of I-15 so I could throw up... blood. Gross huh? And to make matters worse, there was ridiculous traffic (stopped at midnight at the point of the mountain) for an hour. A 20 minute drive, took us about an hour and a half.

We finally got to Jaymesons, and I fell asleep pretty quickly. The next few days weren't so bad. I had a few visitors, ate lots of soup and pudding, and watched a lot of movies. The healing was slow, but normal for a few days.

And THEN... something crazy happened. All of the sudden, (two weeks later) the right side of my face started swelling, and hardening, and I could hardly open my mouth. After a few days, I went to the dentist and was informed I had an infection. Great. My brother got an infection from his wisdom teeth and he had to have a painful surgery to remove it, and I was scared. I looked like a freak, but I had to go to work like normal and deal with it.

I went to the dentist and was given antibiotics. The swelling and pain got worse of course, before it got better. But here I am, over three weeks later, FINALLY almost completely healed from the worst wisdom teeth experience ever. I woke up this morning with a jaw line, and it was great. I missed my face.

On the bright side though, I have a new best friend; my dentist. His receptionist even told me she loved me today.

So, never get your wisdom teeth out. But if you must, go to an oral surgeon, and DEMAND antibiotic rinses and pills to take home with you.

a singular thought that has occupied my time.

I have this cute little day by day calendar at work. Each day has a different principle that comes straight from the book Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, and each quote comes with a lovely little nature picture. It's pretty cute.

So every day I get to work, and I look forward to what comes next in my journey to becoming "highly effective". I'm all about self-help, ya know.

This little gem is what I came across today:

‎"We all can 'pose' and 'put on' for a stranger or an associate. We can pretend. And for a while we will get by with it -- at least in public. We might even deceive ourselves. Yet I believe that most of us know the truth of what we really are inside; and I think many of those we live with, work with, and closely associate with do as well."

This is something I have been thinking about a lot lately. Literally. I've probably wasted a few hours of my life over the past few weeks thinking about this exact thing.

Why do we pretend to be something we're not? Why don't we just be who we are? And if we aren't happy with who we are, why don't we just become something to be proud of, and THEN talk about it, instead of pretending, and then disappointing everyone, including yourself, in the long run?

Sometimes I just want to scream about (AT) people who act this way.

Because of this new-found realization that a lot of people are fake and a lot of us idiots keep falling for it, I've come up with a few things I'm definitely going to think about when considering people I want to associate with, and at the very least, get romantically involved with (You might want to take notes.):

How many times do they go to class/work in a week? How many times to they call in or skip? How many classes have they had to retake?
How much debt do they have? How much money do they have saved?
Are they spenders? (Any time there is money, is it gone as quickly as it came on needless, worthless items they couldn't seem to wait for?)
Do they survive off of their parents? Are they financially and emotionally dependent to them?
Do they pretend to be "big man on campus" when it comes to their job, or have they really gotten fired and/or never stayed with a job for any significant period of time, and never been successful in it?
Do/Did they cheat on significant others in their lifetime?
How often do they go to church? How often are they "too sick" to go to church, or other important obligations in life?
Are they unreliable? Do they follow through with any commitment that they make? Do they give up easily?
Are they unteachable?
How many of their friends are still their friends from 1+ years ago? Or have they seemed to remove themselves from the picture?
Are they overly confident (cocky) in themselves? Do they consider everybody else beneath them?
Are they impossible to communicate with?
Does everything else always seem to be more important than you or things that are important to you?

I probably could go on...

Sad, isn't it? How many people do you know that are like this? Too many. How many of those questions can you answer "yes" to? If it's more than a few, you've probably got issues.

I hate what this world has become.

Geez, I feel like I'm BECOMING a self help book.

The moral of my story is this: You can put up that front for so long, (believe me, I know) but not forever. Someday you'll have a husband or a wife, or a roommate, or even serious girlfriend/boyfriend, maybe even a family member, and you won't be able to hide from them anymore. They'll start to wonder where all the greatness is that you talked up for so long, only to find out it was all a lie. And then you'll run. Run away from all your friends, significant others, to somewhere else where people don't know you, so you can start all over again. The process is never ending. Literally, never ending. Until one sad day, years from now probably, when you've lost everyone and everything you had to your lies and selfishness, you'll realize: Man, it wasn't everyone else. It was me.

So grow up, people. Stop pretending, and start DOING.

This little quote came from some thoughts in my journal while I was going through my divorce, and I stick to it. It's some good stuff.

Everybody has potential. We shouldn't be sitting around waiting, and hoping for someone to start living up to their potential, we should be searching for the ones who already are.


Disclaimer: This post isn't about anybody in particular (Ok, yes it is. But don't think too hard, it's obvious.)

Together Again.

I started this blog post a while back, but never finished it. I noticed it this morning waiting to cook the best dinner in the world for Jaymeson and some friends tonight, and after being hassled by Jessie to write a blog post, I figured I'd finish it. :)

I don't remember where I found this quote, but I remember when I saw it, it really stood out to me.

"We don't know when the people that we love are going to be taken from us, so we should cherish every moment that we have with them."

Death is something that I have no idea about. I have never experienced someone that is close to me dying. Not even grandparents. My dad's dad died when I was pretty young, and my other three grandparents are still alive. I still have my parents, and all six of my siblings. I'm pretty lucky I guess.

I have a few close friends who have had direct family members die and I've watched them overcome the sadness, and they have definitely become a great example to me.

I was joking with Jaymeson last night about me dying while on this roadtrip to San Diego without him. What would he do without me? Really. Ha.

Not that I'm actually going to die any time soon (cross your fingers), but regardless, I'm not afraid of death. I know why I am here, and I know where I'm going and I can't wait to get there. It's going to be so wonderful and beautiful and perfect to be back in Heavenly Father's arms again someday.

The part that really stands out to me though, is this:

"...cherish every moment that we have with them."

Sometimes (always) I get caught up in the business side of myself. I'm a "task master" as my dad calls it. I get things done. And I think sometimes I get caught up in too many tasks and forget to sit back and relax and just have fun. I fill my life up with way too many things. I make lists. I work full time. I go to school full time. I volunteer. I barely ever have a spare second to just sit back and act like a dork. Fortunately for me, Jaymeson is very opposite of me and spends most of his time acting like a dork and it helps to loosen me up a little bit when I get stressed.

Tomorrow morning, Sarah and I are headed out for our best friends wedding in San Diego. I'm excited to share this special moment with Raven and Sarah. It'll be one of the first times we've all been together, just us, since we were in high school. It'll bring back a lot of memories, and form several more.

I'm so happy for Raven, and the opportunity she has to be sealed to her best friend, and the man of her dreams for time and all eternity. I'm so grateful that I will have the chance to be in the temple with her when she receives her own endowments and kneels across the altar to be sealed to Andy forever. Plus, I get to spend a week on the beach in sweet, sweet San Diego. It's gonna be a good week.

M-Unit together again.

Day 31 - A picture of yourself, plus some thoughts.

Well, day 31 seems completely pointless to me, but I hate the feeling of not finishing... so here it is.

A picture of me. (and Jaymeson)

And that's it! Thank you Photo Challenge for filling the last few months of my blog.

Now, I have some random thoughts for the day.

I was just sitting here talking to my roommates and I was thinking about something that I learned from my recent volunteering experiences that I think everyone should know and apply to their own lives.

Last semester, I volunteered at a mini shelter for children who are taken from their broken and/or abusive home lives to stay until they are put into foster care. I worked with the younger kids so my sole role was to play. I got to sit there for 4-8 hours every Saturday and just play with kids from ages 0-8 years old. These kids are hurting, they are struggling, and they are confused. We weren't allowed to probe them for information or answers as to why they had bruises all over their faces, but we were allowed to listen if the children had grown to trust us and had freely given us the information. The purpose of this little half way house that I volunteered in was to help and show the children what a normal lifestyle is like. Most of the kids had been forced to grow up way to fast, and we wanted them to be kids. To forget everything else, and just be kids.

Before I was able to start volunteering I went through extensive background checks and "training". Which is where the source of this blog post comes from. The most important thing that I think I learned in training was to "validate their feelings." It took me a while to figure out what exactly that meant, but when I did, it opened up my mind, and my relationships to a whole new level.

"Validate their feelings". How simple and important is that! We may not understand, or agree with the way people are feeling sometimes, but regardless, they still do feel that way. And it's important to show them that it's okay for them to have those feelings. It's so easy to say "I understand why you feel that way", or "I'm sorry you feel that way" and it makes people feel that much better and helps them open up more to take them one step closer to a resolution.

Anyways, that was just a random thought I had earlier and thought I would share. That little piece of information has definitely helped strength relationships with my family, and my friends, and with significant others.

:)

Day 30 - A picture of someone you miss

Mi Familia 

All the kids, minus Jesenia

I didn't realize how much I missed my family until this past weekend.

I spent the day with Jaymeson and Jayah, and then Jayah went with her mom, and Jaymeson went off to work. I dropped him off and on the way there got very emotional. I couldn't pin point it until I thought... what the heck am I going to do tonight? I don't have anyone here. It was hard. And made me cry.. A LOT.

All I ever wanted growing up was to get out of my house and be indepedent. I've had a full time job since I was 15 years old, and moved out of my house and across the country the first minute that I could, and I've been gone since. I don't get to see my family very often, maybe once or twice a year, just a few days at a time.

So this long, holiday weekend, went from amazing to depressing in just a few short minutes. I realized how much I missed my family, and relived a few of the same feelings I felt last summer... being alone. It was hard.

Aside from my own family, I've been a part of one other family. I was only a part of the family for such a short time, but it felt like an eternity. I was so close with everyone, and spent as much time as possible with each of them as I could. I am no longer a part of that family, and it has been one of the hardest adjustments I've ever had to make. Knowing that they were all here, together, celebrating with each other while I was all alone, made it that much harder.

Just another stepping stone I guess.

That night, I ended up going over to Jaymeson's aunt's beautiful home and taking part in their Annual Fourth of July Party. It was the first time I'd met any of them, except his brother and sister in law, and it was the time of my life! I had so much fun, and everyone was so nice to me and made me feel right at home! It reminded me of what it's like to be a part of a family again, and I loved it! I hope they know the impact they had on me that night.

Luckily Jaymeson didn't get off work TOO late, and he was able to come to the end of the party and the homemade, spectacular, firework show put on by one of his uncles. It was the perfect ending, to a perfect weekend. :)

 Just one more day, and I'm finally done with this blog challenge! Woo hoo!

Stadium of Fire

It's Independence Day weekend! My favorite holiday!

I love American pride, and country music, and fireworks, and everything about this holiday.

This year, I got to go to the Stadium of Fire with my two favorite people in the whole wide world. It was such a dream come true! I have been wanting to go to Stadium of Fire for the longest time.

Last year, I was THIS close to being able to go and see Carrie Underwood... but let's just say it was stolen right out from under me. (ha)

So this year, I got to go with Jaymeson and Jayah. We didn't have the best seats, but it was amazing!

About 10 months or so ago, Jaymeson won some tickets to see Brad Paisley in concert and had invited me to go with him. I had planned on going but for whatever reason, was always very, VERY flakey with him about anything and everything at the time, so of course, I flaked. And he didn't get to go. (Sorry babe!) But guess who was performing at Stadium of Fire this year....

BRAD PAISLEY!

So I figured I should make it up to him and find a way to get us there. It was an adventure, but we made it!

And we had a blast! Jayah was so excited to see the fireworks, and it was definitely the best firework display I've ever seen in my whole life. Totally worth it. And it will be a great memory for all of us.

Speaking of Brad Paisley, I heard this song the other day and thought it was hilarious. Reminds me of at least one person that I know...

Oh wait, make that two people. And I think they are related?

A Sweet Experience

For those who don't know, I am currently in a relationship with a wonderful man named Jaymeson. Our relationship has been full of ups and downs, and several unwanted and unnecessary circumstances and difficulties, but overall, it's all been worth it.

Because of my past relationships, I have lots of insecurities and a lot of those insecurities seem to bring me down and make me over think a lot of the things that I experience with Jaymeson.

The other day, I heard a song on the radio that made me feel a particular insecurity and it brought me down. (It's stupid how the littlest things can ruin a whole day.) Jaymeson, being the mind reader that he is, immediately could tell something was wrong. Now, since I'm a girl, and a stupid one sometimes, I try to hide it and pretend like nothing is wrong half of the time, but I also have this weird need to clean and organize things when I'm upset, so it becomes obvious. I went about cleaning my purse, folding random clothes on the floor, etc, and then I just got so overwhelmed with the way that I felt, that I just plopped myself down on the bed and began to think. My mind was running on one million miles an hour when I decided to stop feeling sorry for myself. I forced myself up off the bed and into the kitchen. I proceeded to pull a bowl and spoon out of the dirty dishes in the dishwasher to clean them so that I could eat some cereal (it's my favorite, ok?) when Jaymeson walked up behind me and grabbed me and gave me the softest, sweetest hug I've ever had in my life. Then he grabbed my face, looked me right in the eyes, and said something along the lines of, "I don't want to be with anyone but you." Then he took the bowl and spoon from my hands and started to wash them for me. My eyes filled with tears as I watched him simply, and gently  wash those two dishes for me so that I wouldn't have to.

Two thoughts entered my mind.

The first being Christ, washing the feet of the disciples found in John 13. I pictured Christ gently washing the feet of His disciples, even Simon Peter who He knew would betray Him. I thought, how amazing can Christ be, first to be Christ, a perfect being, washing the feet of those who were not perfect, but then to be Christ, washing the feet of a man who He knew would betray Him. He didn't need to do it, but He did it to show them that He loved them, and to be an example to them.

And the second was service. Service seems to have been brought up in a lot of my more meaningful conversations lately. I've thought a lot about it, and about how when you serve someone, you learn to love them. And the more you serve, the more your love grows. Even the smallest things, like washing a bowl and a spoon.

I'm grateful for that small and simple experience that I had with Jaymeson. It touched my heart, and definitely made for a sweet memory, as well as strengthened my testimony of service and love.

Thank you Jaymeson.

Now, let's go catch some fish!

Day 29 - A picture that can always make you smile

Are you ready for this?!

This picture was taken at a friend's birthday party back in December. Hilarious, huh?

I love dancing. Clearly, I'm terrible at it. That's plainly obvious just by one glance at that picture. But nevertheless, I love it.

Music is my life.

Jaymeson always jokes about how I can't do anything without music. It's so true, I shower with music on, I do the dishes with music on, I never turn the radio off in my car, I work with my iPod in my ears, I listen to music every second I can.

My most favorite memories while I was in high school consist of driving around town with the windows down and music blaring with my best friends. And my most favorite memories even now, are driving around town with Jaymeson or my roommates listening to Chris Brown or the Zac Brown Band and singing and dancing like maniacs with the windows down.

There was a moment last Summer where me and a few friends were having a tiny BBQ on the roof of his apartment complex. While we were setting up, I was walking around with the speakers on my shoulder listening to music. At that moment I realized, how amazing it would be to literally have a live soundtrack to your life? I would LOVE that!

Day 30 - A picture of someone you miss

Day 28 - A picture of something you're afraid of

I'm afraid of everything. No joke.

So... we'll do a little montage. Well, the opposite of a montage actually.

Spiders

I honestly don't know where this one came from. But lately, like the last 4-5 months, I've noticed it. Jaymeson and I have found countless spiders in that dirty, old, condo he was living in. One time, I was at the condo waiting for him to get off work, and of course it took longer than expected, and I spotted a spider from across the room. It was HUGE, and black, and had white spots on it's butt. Of course, I freaked out and called him and told him to hurry home. He then preceded to freak me out by telling me not to go anywhere near a spider that looked like that. So. I stood. In the middle of his living room for at least an hour, staring down the spider and watching it's every move until Jaymeson came home. Once he got there, he took one look at it, grabbed a glass from the kitchen and claimed that he could see the babies in the spider's stomach and felt bad, so he took it outside and let it go. I would have preferred he just killed it, but don't tell him I said that.

Lizards

This is slightly random. I remember the day this fear developed. I was 14 years old, and we had just moved into our home in Kingwood. For those of you who know anything about Texas, particularly near the coast... there are MILLIONS of lizards. It's ridiculous. So we were moving all of our furniture into the house, and my sister and I were working on the entertainment center in the downstairs living room. For some reason, I looked behind it and noticed that there was a lizard just hanging out back there. I wanted to get it out. So I used the cords that were back there to try to scare it out. Apparently I hit the lizard with the cord because next thing I knew, the lizard had ran away and its TAIL was still there... WIGGLING. I had no idea!! It was disgusting! And from that moment on, I have been scared of lizards. I can't even tell you how many times I found lizards in my room, in the shower with me, in my car, everywhere! And they change colors too. Sneaky little buggers. 

These next 3 kind of all fall under the same category: The Unknown.

First, we have Dark Water

I will not go in any water that I cannot see through. There's no freaking way I'm going swimming in a lake where I have no idea what is swimming around me and touching me. Not to mention, that I DEFINITELY won't touch the ground in anything other the clear water without my booties on. I can't handle it.




Next, we have Windows. At night.

Windows freak me out. I'll spare you the same fear of windows by not telling you the story that started this... but I want you to just imagine a cold, rainy night, walking up to the window to look outside, pressing your face and hands up against the glass (because that's the only way to see out of windows at night), and just as your face hits that glass, you meet eyes with a strange man on the other side of the window who has his face pressed up against the window trying to look inside. Yikes.


And last, but definitely not least... Masks....

FREAK ME OUT. I absolutely love haunted houses and scary movies and the thrill of being scared, but I cannot stand masks. I hate not knowing who's on the other side. I'll leave it at that.










On a more serious note... not being able to get pregnant.

 I don't really know why, but I have always had this fear that I wouldn't be able to have children of my own. I have pretty strange periods, and have had problems with ovarian cysts in the past, and it would be just my luck to not be able to have children of my own. All I want is just to hold my babies and to watch them grow and see what they'll look like. I can only imagine how it would feel to love your own child. Luckily, if this is the case for me, I am already ready and excited to adopt children. In fact, I plan on adopting children anyways after I'm done having my own. So maybe it won't be so bad. I just know that I get the best feeling ever when I think about my children looking down on me in Heaven, just waiting for me to be ready for them to join me on Earth. I can't wait! :)

Up next! Day 29 - A picture that can always make you smile

Day 27- A picture of you and a family member.

This blog post is a special dedication to my dad.

(a little premature Father's Day gift)

John Thomas Sampson Jr.

My dad is super cool.

He was a rock star when I was born. Literally.

He quit being a rock star just after I was born so he could have a more normal life for his first daughter. Nevermind that I'm also the favorite... right Dad?

Once I was old enough to start kicking a ball, he started coaching my soccer teams. He coached me from age 4 all the way to age 17.

But before I played soccer, he let me have my fun in dance classes, gymnastics, softball, basketball, and pretty much any sport you can imagine before I finally decided soccer was my favorite.

We sang karaoke together for as long as I can remember. We even danced to our favorite karaoke song "Somewhere Out There" at my wedding.

He took me to every "take your daughter to work" Day activity.

We went on several Daddy/Daughter campouts, as well as Daddy/Daughter dances.

He came to every single one of my choir concerts, and various other extra curricular activities that I was involved in throughout my life.

He taught me to be a hard worker. Because of him, I have the abilities I need to manage a large caseload at a Disability Law Firm at such a young age.

He always knows what to say. He can easily remind me why I'm on the path that I've chosen in my life, and help me remember why I chose it.

My dad and I haven't always had the best relationship. We had our ups and downs just like every relationship out there, but he's always been there when I needed him the most. We grew closer when I flew off to Idaho over 3 years ago to live on my own and start college. But even then, the last year we have grown closer than I ever would have thought. I get at least one text from him daily just to see what I'm up to, or more than like just to make sure I'm still alive. I talk to my dad several times a week, and he's the first person I think to call when I need advice or just to vent about anything and everything.

I know he misses me a lot, and I definitely miss him too. He asks me pretty much weekly when I'm going to move back home, but luckily he understands that this is where I'm supposed to be. For the time being at least. :)

Because of my relationship with Jaymeson, I have the opportunity of watching his relationship with Jayah, and it has reminded me a lot about when I was a little kid. Jaymeson is Jayah's hero. He is her prince. She talks about how he's the only boy she ever wants to kiss and how she's going to marry him someday. It's adorable. And I remember being that way. Jaymeson tells me often how much it means to him when Jayah wants to cuddle up next to him and watch a movie, and how he hopes that when Jayah is older, she'll always want to sit in his lap and snuggle up to him on the couch. My dad was my hero, he was my prince, and he was the only boy I wanted to marry or kiss. But now that I'm older and have learned that it's really... not normal to actually marry my dad, I still hope that he knows that I will always want to cuddle up next to him on the couch and watch a movie.

Speaking on my dad... he's calling right now. :)

Anyways, I love you Dad! Don't ever forget it!

Day 26 - A picture of something that means a lot to you.

Gosh. I don't know!

I'm trying to imagine, if my house burned down, what would be the one thing I'd want to make sure I got out of the burning house...

I seriously can't think of anything!?

I'm on the phone with Jaymeson right now, trying to figure something out and he kindly reminded me that the thing that means the most to me is.... him. (haha, clever babe)

But then he reminded me of my major.

Behavioral Science with an emphasis in Social Work.

 I LOVE helping people.

Seriously, if there's one thing in the world that I do too much of, it's helping people.

Too much helping people? What?

What I mean by that is, I spend a lot (too much) of my time worrying about everyone else, and not enough time worrying about myself.

 There are so many dreams I want to accomplish with my degree in Behavioral Science.

I want to adopt, I want to save children's lives, I want to own a home that children will go to when they are taken from their broken homes and help them get back on their feet and live the life they always dreamed of, I want to help make broken children's dreams come true.

Sometimes I wonder where this whole Social Work desire started. I honestly can't think of a specific time. My mom and sisters always tell me that I always side with the under-dog. And I think they're right. I like to help people who can't help themselves. It brings me some serious joy when I see someone overcoming their worst fears or making their dreams come true.

So I say, let's get out there and make some dreams come true!

Who's with me?!



Day 27- A picture of you and a family member.

Day 25 - A picture of your day

Well, since today has been especially boring, and all I've done so far is work... I think I'll talk about what a normal day for me feels like.

Wake up
Get ready
Drive to work
Work
Work
And work some more
Talk to Jaymeson
Work
Work
Wander around the office a little bit
Talk to Jaymeson some more
Work
Work
Wander some more
Work
Drive home from work
Jaymeson
Jaymeson
Jaymeson
Sleep
:)

I snack on a few things here and there too.

But that's pretty much what every day in the life of Heather Sampson consists of. Every once in a while there are a few extra things, like grocery shopping, getting gas, writing in my blog and/or journal, talking to my dad on the phone, or cooking dinner/doing laundry for the above mentioned boy. But mostly it consists of 6-8 hours of work work work, and then a few hours of laughter, conversation, and maybe a movie with Jaymeson.

Here's a picture of us! :)

Isn't he so handsome? I am one lucky girl. :)

Here are a few things I love about Jaymeson...
-He can ALWAYS make me laugh.
-He's a very hard worker. He spends most of his time working 40+ hour weeks, doing hard, manual labor. And he doesn't even complain about it!
-He's the most non-judgmental person that I know. He's taught me a lot about what it's like to loosen up and understand that others may think differently than I do.
-He's so smart! I learn the most random, useful things from him every single day. Like, did you know that cows will lie down when it's going to rain? (haha)
-He does THE cutest things. (ie, random dance moves, bursts into song, perfect impressions of anyone and everyone you can think of, etc.)
-He's so passionate about things he likes, such as fish, plants, pit bulls, music, etc.
-He loves his daughter more than anything in the world. (Plus, she's super cute too!)
-He takes longer to get ready every day than I spend in the shower in a week, and I spend a lot of time in the shower in a week. (Ok, so most of the time it annoys me, but I love that I know, no matter what, he's going to be an hour late.)
-His laugh when I tickle him.
-The way he looks at me when he thinks I've done something really cute.
-The fact that he is the most genuine and trustworthy person that I know.

Wow, I just realized how super cheesy this post is. Haha, well, hopefully it embarrasses him, at least a little bit. :)

P.S. If any of you see him, will you remind him how handsome he looks... WITHOUT a beard? I miss his face, literally. ;)

Day 26 - A picture of something that means a lot to you.

Day 24 - A picture of something you wish you could change

Geez, it's been a while since I last posted. I've been so busy with work, and everything else that I haven't had time to write. Plus, I've been spending almost every waking moment at a certain someone's house, who doesn't have internet, that I haven't even had the opportunity to write. But now, he's moved (thank goodness), and will soon have internet. :)

I really need to finish this photo challenge thing.

So, a picture of something I wish I could change.

There are oh so many things that I want to write about this, like living in Provo, being friends with fake people, my job, my school, the uncontrollable ADD that I have, etc.. but I'll keep it simple and talk about my house.

Our house is amazing. I love the girls I live with, and it's a huge house for just the 3 of us, it's just so old. Me and Sarah have seriously considered ripping up the carpet, and knocking down walls (which are all possible with the help of my amazing boyfriend, who seems to be good at everything of the sort), we just have never had the time to do it.

Right now, we have hideous dark green carpet, and hotel room curtains in every room. And we've been told it smells like old people. So, we have plans to put hard wood floors in and upgrade the curtains, and stain the patio, and somehow lock in a "younger" scent to our home. We just need to find the time.

I don't have an accessible picture of MY home, so here's a picture of some random home I found on google.

Weird... I searched my address in google and a picture came up...

So here is it, ladies and gentleman...

Our home. Hopefully one of these days, I'll be able to post a picture of our newly remodeled home. I'll keep you updated. :)

Up next: Day 25 - A picture of your day

Day 23 - A picture of your favorite book.

I don't read nearly as much as I should...

And I don't really think I could pick a favorite.

I really love reading "self help" books. I love learning about psychology, and why people think and feel the way that they do.

I'm currently reading...

It's a great book on how to let go of the things that are holding us back in life. It was recommending to me by a therapist, and it's amazing! I've only just started it, but I'll let ya'll know how it goes. :)

Day 24 - A picture of something you wish you could change

Day 22 - A picture of something you wish you were better at.

There are a few things I can think of.

One.

Cooking. I just wish I could cook. I could make my own meals, not have to go out for lunch at work, save lots of money, have parties. Ah, it would be amazing. My mom is an awesome cook. And my sisters are pretty good too. How did I miss that?!

Two.

Working out. I wish I had the desire to get up off my butt and get to the gym, for anything other than tanning. My roommates, and my boyfriend, are all really good at going to the gym. I should follow in their example. But then there's the whole idea of what the heck do I even do at the gym? Ugh.

Three.

Public Speaking.

I do not like the lime light. I admire people who can just stand up in the center of a crowd and say whatever they want without feeling and/or looking like an idiot. I guess that's why I love to write?

Day 23 - A picture of your favorite book.

Day 21 - A picture of something you wish you could forget

I have nothing to say here. If there ever was something I wished I could forget, I probably forgot it.

Maybe this memory loss thing isn't such a bad thing....?

On another note, I miss my boyfriend. And I hate his job.

Up next: Day 22 - A picture of something you wish you were better at. Oooh the possibilities.

Day 20 - A picture of somewhere you'd love to travel

New York City

 

Please and Thank You.

nineteen

It's been an interesting, emotional, and hard couple of days. I don't really know how to describe all that has been running through my head.

Today is the two year anniversary of the best mistake I've ever made in my life.

Yesterday was the two year anniversary of a the most life changing experience in my life.

And tomorrow is the one year anniversary of the beginning of a new life.

To be little more specific, today would be mine and Jon's two year anniversary. I say "best mistake" because it really was, just that. It was a mistake. It should never have happened. I knew it, and I think he knew it too. But it did happen. And I am grateful for all that has happened in my life since him. I'm a better person than I ever have been, and I probably wouldn't have gotten there without all the heartache. So for that, I thank him (Hence the "best").

Yesterday was the two year anniversary of the day I went through the temple to receive my own endowments. It was also Easter Sunday and I had the opportunity to speak in church on the Atonement. It was a good reminder, along with the Easter holiday, of the infinite blessings I can receive because of the Atonement. Being able to repent on a weekly basis, and attend the temple, right here in Provo, UT, at any time that I am able, to do work for those who are unable to do it for themselves, is a huge blessing in itself. But also that I am able to be mortal, and to sin, and make mistakes, but be allowed to repent of my sins so that I am worthy to enter the House of the Lord, and to be healed is an even greater blessing. I am forever grateful to our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ for that.

Tomorrow, it has been one year since Jon walked out of my life. We separated and started our own individual lives one year ago from tomorrow. One year ago from tomorrow began the hardest summer I hope I'll ever have to go through. And it was hard. I spent the summer living alone, literally alone, in a house all by myself. I worked and went home, worked and went home, worked and went home. That was my life. I spent over three months pondering my life and figuring out what I wanted to do next. I think I found myself that summer. I developed new friendships, and talents. I learned to sew. I became comfortable being alone. It was a hard, but very rewarding time in my life.

I guess I could take this opportunity to do Day 19 - A Picture and a Letter.

October 2008

Dear Jonathan,

It's been almost three years since Kristi confused me with our roommate Rachel in that random parking lot in downtown Salt Lake City. Almost three years since you made weekly trips up to Rexburg to "visit your sister", but really to hit on her hot roommate. Almost three years since you took that trip to Houston and came out of your writers block and came up with a new song for one special girl. Almost three years from the most perfect first kiss, and the beginning of a fun and exciting new friendship which developed into a relationship. Three years. Man, it seems so long ago.

We experienced a lot together... from the infamous life of summer sales, to hunting, kayaking, life in Provo, UT and various places in Texas, and so much more. I loved learning so many things from you and your family. I loved getting to know your little sisters. And I loved all of the little adventures that we went on.

Even though things didn't work out for us, I know that everything happened for a reason, and I don't regret a second of it. Ok, that's not entirely true, but I don't regret most of it. We learned a lot from each other, and most importantly we grew a lot because of each other. It may not have turned out the way we wanted it to or even expected it to, but it turned out for the best.. don't you think? We taught each other what real love should be like, and for that I am forever grateful. I know because of our experiences together that we will each find the most perfect person for us and that we will be happy for eternity.

I know that sometimes it's still hard, but that eventually we will both be able to look back on every aspect of everything that happened, and not feel a thing. I wish you the best Jonathan, and I hope you remember your true potential and that you strive every day to become a better man for your future most perfect wife and children. 

With Love,
Heather

Day 20 - A picture of somewhere you'd love to travel