What I wanna know is...

...how in the world can anyone claim that any sort of physical relationship, with someone besides your spouse, while you are still married, is NOT cheating?

Right?

So, I had a little fall out with my ex today. Lovely. We rarely talk to each other,  and when we do, it is always very cordial, to the point, and then goodbye. Now, this little gem from my past is getting married in a few weeks. One, it has come to my attention that certain members in his family have that strange idea that I want to keep him from getting married. And two, the same certain family members seem to be in denial of a few facts from our marriage.

Someone that I really look up to, who also happens to be a member of that family, told me her story shortly after my divorce. It's very personal, so I will not share. But basically, she was very much wronged by someone very dear to her. She hid it for so long, for fear of what people would think, fear of doing the wrong thing, and fear of hurting someone's feelings. She held it in for so long, that it eventually became unhealthy for her. The wrong-doer eventually passed away, and she finally realized that she did not need to hide the truth any longer. It wasn't that she needed to make sure to shout to the world what really happened, but that she needed to respect herself, her health, and her future relationships by "owning up" to the truth. She told me her story so that I would know that someday, I would be there too.

There's something about owning up to the truth with yourself, and with others, that is healing. And after this little falling out, that's where I am today.

I have said it before, and I'll say it again. I do not agree with divorce, in almost any circumstance. But in mine and my ex's case, I do. That was a hostile marriage. It was unhealthy, and unhappy, and going to take more effort than it's worth to make it work. We both could have done things differently, but ultimately it was his decision to get divorced, and despite all of my efforts, there was nothing I could do to change that. I believe that he expected marriage to be something very different than it is, he expected things from me that are not realistic, and he didn't expect to have to share his life with someone else, or to have anyone to be accountable to. To be frank, he was not ready to be married. He longed for the single life, and he managed to find a way to experience it although, we were still married. A decision had been made, the papers were signed (or soon to be signed), but we were still married. (FYI: A marriage is not a marriage when you sign the marriage license. It is a marriage when you sign the marriage certificate. Then, and only then, is it legal. Same with divorce. A divorce is not final once the motion is filed. (Although some people like to use that as an excuse.) A divorce is final once it has been signed by the judge. Then, and only then, is it legal. Take that up with God if you have any questions.)

With that being said, my divorce was the hardest thing I have ever gone through. I went through Hell and back, and recovery was hard. But I made it through quickly, and I have been so grateful to not be married to that man since. There have been times where it has been hard. Not because I wanted to be with him again, but because it's hard to go from being married to being single all because of one piece of paper, within a matter of minutes. But overall, all of that pain was worth it.

He is getting married very soon, and I couldn't be happier for him. I don't know who he is now, or if he is ready for marriage this time, but that's not my concern. Sometimes I hope that poor girl that he met online is smarter than I was, or that things will be different for them. But I really do not care either way. If they make it work--great! If they don't--well... great! It does not matter to me. Believe me, if it did, you all would know about it. I am in a very happy relationship with someone I never would have found if it weren't for Jon, and I am grateful for Jon for that. But I wouldn't have things any other way. So...congratulations to both of them!

Maybe Zac Brown could tell it a little better?

Does that resolve anyone's concerns?

In 2 days, it will be one year from mine and Jaymeson's 2nd first date. In about 2 weeks, it will be one year from our first kiss. And I am so happy! Jaymeson and I have been through so much together. We both came out of very hostile, unhealthy, and unhappy marriages, and we found each other. We were friends, helping each other heal for about 6 months, and then it just clicked. Out of nowhere, we couldn't get enough of each other, and then we started dating. And that's the way I've always wanted it. We started out as friends--best friends. And that developed into a strong and successful relationship. We are celebrating his 26th birthday this Friday, as well as the anniversary of our 2nd first date, and I am so excited!

If there is still any doubt about the way that I feel, feel free to direct yourself to my pictures. You will never see either me, or Jaymeson happier, than you do in those pictures.

Speaking of Zac Brown... his concert is next weekend! Woot!

Amen!

The other day I was talking to Jaymeson about a certain person who I claimed I would wish bad things on. (I wouldn't really wish bad things on this person, but sometimes it's fun to think about... haha.) He laughed and said that he thought that if anyone, it should be my ex, because he ruined my life. My immediate response to this was, "No, he didn't. He made it so much better!" And that he did.

My heart was definitely broken into a hundred pieces a year and a half ago when Jon decided he wanted a divorce, out of nowhere, and for no significant reason. I didn't know where I was going to go or what I was going to do with my life next, and I definitely didn't want to do it alone. But let's be honest... I'm pretty sure I fought the divorce so hard because of the embarrassment of being divorced. Especially after one short year of marriage.

Today my best friend Stephanie (that I miss SO much) found a quote that she wished she had expressed to Jon before our divorce. You see, Stephanie and her husband Jonny, were mine and Jon's BEST FRIENDS. We did everything with them, and I think besides our families, they were hurt the worst by our divorce. The quote said "Sometimes you make the right decision, and sometimes you make the decision right." When she said that to me, my instant thought was exactly what I had expressed to Jaymeson. That was the right decision... at least for me.

Now, I don't agree with divorce, to ANY degree. And this might make some people pretty upset. Jon made a stupid choice. But his stupid choice, allowed me to have a second chance at happiness, at finding myself, at finding that person I really do want to spend eternity with. And for THAT, I am grateful. I am so happy where I am in my life, and I know, without a doubt, that I never would have gotten there with Jon. Yea, Jon and I could have made it work, and given the chance, I would have done everything I could to make that marriage work. But I never would have been genuinely happy, like I am now. And for that reason, I agree with OUR divorce. 

With that said, I am currently going through a second divorce. What's that, you say? Yes. A Temple Divorce. 

I apologize in advance for all the Mormon jargon that's about to get tossed around. If you have questions, feel free to ask.  

My ex is getting married, and although we all know that a "sealing clearance" should be asked for... it is what it is, and I'm happy it's being done now instead of later.

Everyone's always told me that once the sealing was cancelled, it was gonna be like getting divorced all over again. And to be honest, for a split second, when I mailed my letter off to The First Presidency of the Church, I thought "Crap, I'm not going to be sealed anymore." But because I have great faith in Heavenly Father and my Savior Jesus Christ, I know that even if something happens to me, it will all work out for my good. The official cancellation hasn't gone through yet, and probably won't for some time, and it might be sad for me for a second...

(**Disclaimer** Not BY ANY MEANS (despite some belief) because of any feelings towards Jon, whatsoever. Just because of the sacredness of something like that being taken so lightly by someone I chose as my life partner, finally coming to an end.)

...but I know that once it is final, I will forever be free, with no connection whatsoever, to that part of my life again. Can I get an AMEN!? Luckily, Jon and I were smart and completely separated everything, and I mean everything we had and did when we separated. (For that, I am also grateful.) So once this is over, I literally won't have to deal with or associate with my ex-spouse for the rest of my life, even over little things. I feel sorry for those that do.

I am happy to say that I have ZERO regrets about my divorce. I never once made any rash decisions, or acted on impulse. I thought everything out completely and clearly before I made any decisions. And even when it was hard, and even when he didn't, I remained fiercely loyal to the person that I made a marriage commitment to. I know that Heavenly Father is proud of me for the choices that I have made, and will continue to be proud of me for the choices that I am choosing to make.

I love my life! :)

It is the reminder that the fight goes on...

"It is the plain and very sobering truth that before great moments, certainly before great spiritual moments, there can come adversity, opposition, and darkness. Life has some of those moments for us, and occasionally they come just as we are approaching an important decision or a significant step in our lives."

Thank you to my good friend Heidi for reminding me of this wonderful devotional given by Elder Holland several years ago.

I've been thinking a lot about this very thing lately. It always seems like the transition from Summer to Winter is always a hard time in the lives of people that I know. It certainly is for me. I hate the Winter. But besides that, I'm in the middle of a long process of a lot of big decisions in my life. I've been up and I've been down. I've had happy moments, and very sad moments. I've been hopeful, and I've been hopeless. And I've been really lost. But this passage from Elder Holland helps to put everything into perspective for me.

He reminds us that Satan doesn't want us to succeed spiritually. Meaning the small things, such as going to church every Sunday, reading our scriptures and praying, being an example to those around us. Or even the big things, such as living the Law of Chasity, or the Word of Wisdom, or choosing to be married in the temple. He reminds us that when we are at our highest points, they may feel, or even turn into our lowest points because of Satan.

Elder Holland says that "With any major decision there are cautions and considerations to make, but once there has been illumination, beware the temptation to retreat from a good thing. If it was right when you prayed about it and trusted it and lived for it, it is right now. Don’t give up when the pressure mounts. Certainly don’t give in to that being who is bent on the destruction of your happiness. Face your doubts. Master your fears. 'Cast not away therefore your confidence.' Stay the course and see the beauty of life unfold for you."

He tells us that "This opposition turns up almost any place something good has happened. It can happen when you are trying to get an education. It can hit you after your first month in your new mission field. It certainly happens in matters of love and marriage. It can occur in situations related to your family, Church callings, or career." And that is so true. When I look back at the moments in my life, where I was doing my best, that is when I felt the pressure to do my worst. And ironically enough, the moments where I have been my lowest, are the moments that I have drawn closest to God and strengthened my testimony in Him.

Something I have been falling short on is my ability to have confidence in myself, and in my decisions. I don't pray to know as often as I should, and then when I do, I doubt that my thoughts are coming from God, or if they are coming from myself. (You see, I am definitely an overthinker.) As Elder Holland explains, we can apply a great message from Moses to our every day lives today:

"Don’t let your guard down. Don’t assume that a great revelation, some marvelous, illuminating moment, the opening of an inspired path, is the end of it. Remember, it isn’t over until it’s over.

And God will help us to know when it is over.

My favorite quote from the whole devotional is this:

"The reminder is that we cannot sign on for a battle of such eternal significance and everlasting consequence without knowing it will be a fight—a good fight and a winning fight, but a fight nevertheless."

How often are we fighting for what is right? How often do we sit back and allow wrong to happen in our lives and in the lives of those around us? It's hard. This life is a fight. But just as Elder Holland states, "..we cannot sign on for a battle of such eternal signficance... without knowing it will be a fight...". And I am prepared to win the fight.

Something that brings me great comfort is this thought; "Fear ye not, stand still, and see the salvation of the Lord. … The Lord shall fight for you.”

The devotional ends with Elder Holland exclaiming, "If God has told you something is right, if something is indeed true for you, He will provide the way for you to accomplish it."

I have seen that in my own life, in my families lives, and in my relationships. I know that to be true. God will never allow us to be tempted more than we are able, and he will always provide a way for us to accomplish the things he asks of us.

We are here for a reason. This life is hard, but it is a test. And I want to pass it. I will pass it, with flying colors, and I will live in eternal salvation with my family forever. I cannot wait. :)

If anyone would like to read this talk as a whole; it is called “Cast Not Away Therefore Your Confidence” by Elder Jeffrey R. Holland. And you can find that on www.lds.org.

:)

Tuesday the 30th

On to more serious thoughts...

For those of you who can't read that:

"The time you invest to deeply understand the people you love brings tremendous dividends in open communication. Many of the problems that plague families and marriages simply won't have time to fester and develop. The communication becomes so open that potential problems can be nipped in the bud."

My parents are divorced, I'm divorced, and because I'm divorced, a lot of people that I know are divorced.

This "Habit for Highly Effective People", I believe, could save marriages.

If you look back on all the relationships you know of, of people that are divorced... I bet communication was one of the top causes in their divorce. I know that when I first got divorced, a good friend of mine was preparing a lesson in Relief Society and she wanted to know my thoughts on "characteristics of successful relationships" and that was the first thing that popped into my head. Communication.

Now, Heaven knows my divorce was caused by much more than miscommunication, but I firmly believe that if we had communicated properly with each other, a lot could have been avoided.

In my relationships with my family, friends, roommates, people at work, and even with Jaymeson, I've noticed the difference in communicating issues and solutions when they come about, instead of letting them fester and blow up days later. It's ALWAYS a good thing, and it's probably saved a lot of my relationships with people.

I'm obviously not a pro at it, but I'm working on it. And I know and value the importance of it.

Just passing along some knowledge... :)

a singular thought that has occupied my time.

I have this cute little day by day calendar at work. Each day has a different principle that comes straight from the book Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, and each quote comes with a lovely little nature picture. It's pretty cute.

So every day I get to work, and I look forward to what comes next in my journey to becoming "highly effective". I'm all about self-help, ya know.

This little gem is what I came across today:

‎"We all can 'pose' and 'put on' for a stranger or an associate. We can pretend. And for a while we will get by with it -- at least in public. We might even deceive ourselves. Yet I believe that most of us know the truth of what we really are inside; and I think many of those we live with, work with, and closely associate with do as well."

This is something I have been thinking about a lot lately. Literally. I've probably wasted a few hours of my life over the past few weeks thinking about this exact thing.

Why do we pretend to be something we're not? Why don't we just be who we are? And if we aren't happy with who we are, why don't we just become something to be proud of, and THEN talk about it, instead of pretending, and then disappointing everyone, including yourself, in the long run?

Sometimes I just want to scream about (AT) people who act this way.

Because of this new-found realization that a lot of people are fake and a lot of us idiots keep falling for it, I've come up with a few things I'm definitely going to think about when considering people I want to associate with, and at the very least, get romantically involved with (You might want to take notes.):

How many times do they go to class/work in a week? How many times to they call in or skip? How many classes have they had to retake?
How much debt do they have? How much money do they have saved?
Are they spenders? (Any time there is money, is it gone as quickly as it came on needless, worthless items they couldn't seem to wait for?)
Do they survive off of their parents? Are they financially and emotionally dependent to them?
Do they pretend to be "big man on campus" when it comes to their job, or have they really gotten fired and/or never stayed with a job for any significant period of time, and never been successful in it?
Do/Did they cheat on significant others in their lifetime?
How often do they go to church? How often are they "too sick" to go to church, or other important obligations in life?
Are they unreliable? Do they follow through with any commitment that they make? Do they give up easily?
Are they unteachable?
How many of their friends are still their friends from 1+ years ago? Or have they seemed to remove themselves from the picture?
Are they overly confident (cocky) in themselves? Do they consider everybody else beneath them?
Are they impossible to communicate with?
Does everything else always seem to be more important than you or things that are important to you?

I probably could go on...

Sad, isn't it? How many people do you know that are like this? Too many. How many of those questions can you answer "yes" to? If it's more than a few, you've probably got issues.

I hate what this world has become.

Geez, I feel like I'm BECOMING a self help book.

The moral of my story is this: You can put up that front for so long, (believe me, I know) but not forever. Someday you'll have a husband or a wife, or a roommate, or even serious girlfriend/boyfriend, maybe even a family member, and you won't be able to hide from them anymore. They'll start to wonder where all the greatness is that you talked up for so long, only to find out it was all a lie. And then you'll run. Run away from all your friends, significant others, to somewhere else where people don't know you, so you can start all over again. The process is never ending. Literally, never ending. Until one sad day, years from now probably, when you've lost everyone and everything you had to your lies and selfishness, you'll realize: Man, it wasn't everyone else. It was me.

So grow up, people. Stop pretending, and start DOING.

This little quote came from some thoughts in my journal while I was going through my divorce, and I stick to it. It's some good stuff.

Everybody has potential. We shouldn't be sitting around waiting, and hoping for someone to start living up to their potential, we should be searching for the ones who already are.


Disclaimer: This post isn't about anybody in particular (Ok, yes it is. But don't think too hard, it's obvious.)

A Quote.

 A quote to learn to live by...

 

I found this quote on my cousin Andra's blog.

It was especially needed today. I'm at a time in my life 

where I'm rediscovering myself.

Wait, didn't I just do this?

Apparently, it's a never ending process in the life of Heather Sampson.

I'm probably going to post this quote on my mirror, along with many other inspiration quotes and goals, so that I can be reminded every day to 

change the way I think about things.

I'm going to teach myself to let go of the little things.

To recognize when things are just fine the way that they are.

And to remember that it's ok to change my mind.

With this quote from my wonderful cousin, comes this other quote that I love.

Some call it the Serenity Prayer.

 

If you have a chance, listen to that link. It's beautiful, and the video has lots of beautiful messages.

Anyways, off I go again, trying to take things day at a time. (so far... no good. haha)

Something different.

I'm going to step away from the 30 day challenge for a minute...

Mostly because I can't figure out who the heck I'd want to switch places with for a day.

But also because of this picture...

This picture has been giving me some inspiration lately.

It's even currently the background on my phone.

These balloons have been in my house for over three weeks.

Three of them are from my roommate, Ariel's, birthday on February 13th. The other ten are from a very special boy on Valentines Day, who sent them, with flowers, to my work. :)

For some reason, that one balloon that still lives on, touches my heart. I feel like a freak saying that, but it really does. Every time I see it, I feel this small glimmer of hope.

I feel like this balloon symbolizes a few things.

One of those things being the strength that I've had to get through in the last year of my life, when I think that others in my situation wouldn't have. I feel extremely blessed to have come out of the last year with the attitude and experiences that I've had. I wouldn't change it for the world. I've learned so much about myself, and relationships, and my future, and I'm definitely 15 steps ahead of where I used to be.

Another thing, having the strength to stand strong and firm in what I believe, when others around me do not. I feel like this isn't something that I've ever struggled with. I've always known what was right for me, and what I wanted to do, and it's never been hard for me to stick to those values. I'm so grateful to have that strength as well.

And the last thing, standing out. Have you seen the motivational poster of all the blue balloons in the sky, and one of the balloons is yellow? I tried to find that picture, but I didn't have any luck. When I see this picture of my balloons, that's what I think about. Standing out and being different. That's one of my favorite things. I love to be different. I love not following the crowd, or following fads, and being different. I'm definitely not that different, but you can tell... at least a little bit. And I like it that way. :)