Trying to find a place in this world.

Jaymeson and I go to a ward that consists of us, Jaymeson's family, and about 90% of the rest of the congregation is getting ready to die.

Literally.

Even in Relief Society, they refer to the group as a whole as "senior citizens". And in Priesthood, everywhere Jaymeson looks there are walkers and oxygen tanks.

Being in this ward has sort of been a challenge for me. I love church. I love feeling the Spirit. I love being surrounded by people who have the same beliefs that I do. I moved around a lot with my family growing up, and I always looked forward to going to church because that was a place where I was guaranteed to make friends. Not in this ward. I'm positive the only other person that is near my age is Jaymeson's sister-in-law, and even that has a few year difference, and her calling is in Young Womens. So, it's just me, sitting in Relief Society, along with a bunch of senior citizens.

Where am I going with this?

It's been hard for me to get excited about church the last few months knowing that I don't have friends there, and practically every Sunday is spent listening to a bunch of old folk debate about what they each think the scriptures say. Luckily I have Jaymeson's mom in there with me, who I love very much. And she's not a senior citizen... yet. ;)

But this Sunday, I learned something very simple, yet very inspiring from the old folk.

Now, I'm the type of person who loves to tell everyone what they learned when they learm it. I will talk and talk and talk about it, until I've convinced myself that I've taught you the same lesson. This is one of those times. I'll try to keep it short. :)

What's the difference between a place, and a space?

Think about it.

The difference is, a place is where something belongs. A space is just where you put something for the time being. When something has a place, we know where it is when we are looking for it. But if it's in a space, sometimes we don't know where to find it. Cool, huh?

This can apply to anything.

So my goal for the rest of my life, is to give everything a place. Especially the important things, like my family, my friends, Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ, my husband, and my children. (Not in that order.)

Now, time to for my favorite Monday Night Tradition. Unhealthy food, The Bachelor, and my handsome Jaymeson, and his beautiful mother. :)

Thankfulness

With all the hustle and bustle of the holidays, and the busy-ness of everything that is life... I kinda missed the whole Spirit of Thanksgiving this year. And then it was slowly creeping up on Christmas, and I got a little worried. I definitely didn't want to miss the whole spirit of Christmas as well. So I stopped to slow down and think about all the things that I am grateful for. It didn't take long to come up with a pretty significant list. Here are just a few of them:

A job: I have a pretty sweet job. I work at a law office for people who are disabled. I help them to receive the help that they need to get anywhere in their lives. Most of the time it's pretty fulfilling. And since this is a positive, thankfulness post, I'm leaving it at that. I get paid great, I have a great boss, and wonderful coworkers, and it's pretty flexible with all the craziness that is my life. It's definitely a blessing to have a job at all, but especially to be a college student with the job that I have is truly a blessing.

An education: I hate school. I really do. But I am so grateful that I can afford an education. I am grateful that I am in the process of getting a University education, that teaches me to specialize in something that I love. I'm grateful for the teachers that take their time to work with me (and the craziness that is my life), and I am grateful for a program that allows me to do what means the most to me... which brings me to...

A major: Behavioral Science, or more specifically, Social Work. I am so grateful to be lucky enough to find something that I love and that satisfies me, and also something that helps me to better the world. Social workers don't get paid very much, but we have one of the most important jobs in the world. I get to help people heal. It's not easy, but it's so, so worth it. It also comes with some pretty flexible hours, and the ability to work from home for the one day when I have little kiddos at home to raise.

A family: Although my family is oh so far away, I am grateful that I have them. I never had a close relationship with any in my family really, until after my divorce. And then suddenly, I understood and appreciated all of them so much more. I have two parents that love me and want what's best for me, and take the time to teach me every time that I speak with them. Two sisters that love me and allowed me to steal make up and clothing from them all throughout my life, who also taught me to love and cherish what is important to me. Four brothers that love me, and pushed me around so that I could become the tough little chica that I am today, who also taught me to accept and appreciate the things that I have. And one neice, who is perfect in every way. My family also consists of grandparents, and cousins, and aunts, and uncles, and each of them have taught me something very special of their own.

A Jaymeson: This man is incredible. He is kind, and loving, and smart, and happy, and down to earth, and he has really changed me. I'm still me, but I'm a better version of me, because of him. Jaymeson and I have had an incredible journey to get where we are today. Full of ups and way too many downs, that have led us to something perfect. I never would have imagined I would be here with him one year later, but I am so grateful that I am. He is thoughtful, and sincere, and genuine, and he loves me, despite ALL of my flaws. And he loves my family. That means the world to me.

A Jayah: A perfect little three year old (going on 16) that I get to spend a significant amount of time with. I am grateful that she is so loving and so accepting of my many flaws. I am grateful that she is so snuggly, and always seems to know when I need it the most. I am grateful that she is so smart, and always wanting to learn more. I am grateful that she is always eager to help in every way that she can. I am grateful that she is Jaymeson's and that she will get to be a part of my life forever.

A friend: I have more than just "a" friend, but the whole "A" thing seems to be a theme here. Since my separation and divorce, I have met many incredible people. All of which have inspired me to be the girl that I was meant to be. I don't get to see my friends very often, but I know that they are there, and that they support me and love me, and only want to see me happy.

A church: I love my church. I am so grateful to have something to believe in. Something to worship, and that inspires me to be a better person. I am grateful for Prophets that lead me and guide me in what's right. I am grateful for Temples, and the healing qualities that they hold. I am grateful for the gospel, and for my testimony, and for the testimonies of those around me that strengthen me. I am grateful for God, for allowing His son, Jesus Christ, to die for me, so that I may have the chance to live. I am grateful for the Holy Ghost that has been given to me to help me to make the right choices. And I am grateful that I was given the gift of repentence for those times that I don't. I couldn't imagine a life without the Gospel, but I am so, so grateful that I don't have to.

My list consisted of several others things, but to cause you the boredom, I won't continue. Christmas came and went, and it was perfect. This year was Jaymeson's year with Jayah, and we got to plan the most perfect Christmas for her. I never knew how much fun it could be to plan Christmas for a child. And this Christmas was definitely all about Jayah.

Right after Thanksgiving, Jaymeson and I put together a tree to surprise Jayah with the next time she came over. We didn't have a star at first, but soon after we went out a got a beautiful, bright, silver star, and also some stockings, and other decorations to get into the Christmas spirit.

Jaymeson and I spent weeks finding all the perfect gifts to get Jayah for Christmas. We got her pajamas, and a robe, and slippers, and clothing, and church clothing, and a tea set, and a tinkerbell journey with keys, and all sorts of other things that she would be excited about. (Next time I'll remember to be more like my mom and keep track of what we got, and which gift is wrapped which way. But I do have to admit, it was kind of a fun surprise to see what we bought her on Christmas morning.) We (well, Jaymeson) wrapped everything up beautifully and hid it under his bed for the time being. That didn't last very long, because Jayah got some sneakiness from her daddy and quickly found ways to sneak into her presents. Needless to say, coal was threatened, and then they were moved. ;) 

Jayah and I even got to go shopping for Jaymeson. I asked Jayah what she wanted to get Jaymeson for Christmas, and all she wanted to get him was make up, and barbies, and nail polish, and a GUITAR. She wasn't going to stop until we got her dad that black guitar that he wanted, just like on her t-shirt. I eventually had to tell her that MeeMa already got him a black guitar so that she could focus on a more realistic gift for him. BAD IDEA. She tried so hard to keep it a secret, but Jaymeson tricked it out of her. Jayah and I were determined to find something else for him that would be a surprise. But.. apparently she's not a huge fan of Christmas shopping because she fell asleep in the cart and slept for 3 hours! We eventually got him a Gingerbread house kit so that they could make it together. We practiced and practiced keeping it a secret, but when we went grocery shopping the next day, we walked past the Gingerbread houses and she yelled "Dad, that's what we got you!" Fail. Maybe when she's older. ;)

On Christmas Eve, the three of us watched all of the Christmas Classics. Frosty the Snowman, Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, Santa Clause, and The Little Drummer Boy. Then Jayah and I made cookies for Santa. She was so worried about getting them done perfectly, and that there were enough for Santa (and still enough for her to have later). It was fun. Then we set out the cookies and the milk for when he came that night. After the cookies were ready, the three of us sat down to tell the true story of Christmas. Jaymeson and I read to Jayah from Matthew in the Bible, and talked about the significance of giving gifts on Christmas day, and the star on top of the tree, and why Jesus was born in a manger. And then we each got to open one gift. Pajamas. Just like my mom used to do. We taught Jayah to be grateful for a warm bed to sleep in, and warm pajamas, and loving parents who provide for her. It may have been a little much for a three year old, but I think it will be a lesson she will always remember.

 

Then we went over to Jaymeson's family's home. Every year for Christmas, Jaymeson's mom hosts a sleepover. All the siblings, spouses, and kids come over and watch movies, and sleep over, and making treats for Christmas Day. This year was kind of crazy, and all of us were running a little late, but it was still so much fun. Jill and I stayed up pretty much all night putting everything together for Christmas morning. Jayah even got to talk to Santa Clause, and we even heard the bells from Santa's reindeer during the night. It was so much fun!

We woke up at 5 the next morning to open presents. It was so much fun to see Jayah and Jaxen getting so excited about all of their little gifts. We each opened presents one by one, and it was so exciting! Jaymeson got the guitar he has been wanting for years, and I got him front row and center tickets to his favorite band--Zac Brown. He was very excited! Jayah and both of Jaymeson's brothers also got guitars. Look out world, here comes ROUSH! Jayah got a big barbie dollhouse, along with other fun things. And I got, well, spoiled. Jaymeson definitely out-did himself. I'm not even going to write down all the things that he got me because I feel bad that he spent so much time and money on spoiling me. But I guess I deserve it because I always spoil him. ;)

After family Christmas time, Jaymeson and I took Jayah back home for our own little Christmas. Jayah got to open more gifts, and have her stocking, and I got spoiled even more by Jaymeson. After opening gifts, Jaymeson set up Jayah's dollhouse, while she raiding her toys, and I crashed on the couch.

Everything was perfect. Incredible even. I couldn't have asked for a better Christmas. I am so grateful for every moment about that weekend, and hope that every year gets to be just as magical.

Coming up: Meet the Parents, Part 1.

Grateful

Normally I write in my blog when I have something to think about, something to teach, something to complain about, or something to nag about. Not today.

Today I am just grateful.

I am a lucky girl. And I think sometimes I forget just how lucky I am.

I have a family who loves me. I have a boyfriend who loves me. I have a job that most people at my age, and level of education, don't deserve. I have a car that runs. I have a warm house, with warm and loving roommates. I have beliefs. I am healthy. I am getting an education. And so so much more.

I am so grateful for everything that my life has placed in my direction, and everything that God has blessed me with. Despite a lot of hard times in my life, I am so happy that I am where I am, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

At least for today. ;)

So today I want you to know, that I am grateful.

It is the reminder that the fight goes on...

"It is the plain and very sobering truth that before great moments, certainly before great spiritual moments, there can come adversity, opposition, and darkness. Life has some of those moments for us, and occasionally they come just as we are approaching an important decision or a significant step in our lives."

Thank you to my good friend Heidi for reminding me of this wonderful devotional given by Elder Holland several years ago.

I've been thinking a lot about this very thing lately. It always seems like the transition from Summer to Winter is always a hard time in the lives of people that I know. It certainly is for me. I hate the Winter. But besides that, I'm in the middle of a long process of a lot of big decisions in my life. I've been up and I've been down. I've had happy moments, and very sad moments. I've been hopeful, and I've been hopeless. And I've been really lost. But this passage from Elder Holland helps to put everything into perspective for me.

He reminds us that Satan doesn't want us to succeed spiritually. Meaning the small things, such as going to church every Sunday, reading our scriptures and praying, being an example to those around us. Or even the big things, such as living the Law of Chasity, or the Word of Wisdom, or choosing to be married in the temple. He reminds us that when we are at our highest points, they may feel, or even turn into our lowest points because of Satan.

Elder Holland says that "With any major decision there are cautions and considerations to make, but once there has been illumination, beware the temptation to retreat from a good thing. If it was right when you prayed about it and trusted it and lived for it, it is right now. Don’t give up when the pressure mounts. Certainly don’t give in to that being who is bent on the destruction of your happiness. Face your doubts. Master your fears. 'Cast not away therefore your confidence.' Stay the course and see the beauty of life unfold for you."

He tells us that "This opposition turns up almost any place something good has happened. It can happen when you are trying to get an education. It can hit you after your first month in your new mission field. It certainly happens in matters of love and marriage. It can occur in situations related to your family, Church callings, or career." And that is so true. When I look back at the moments in my life, where I was doing my best, that is when I felt the pressure to do my worst. And ironically enough, the moments where I have been my lowest, are the moments that I have drawn closest to God and strengthened my testimony in Him.

Something I have been falling short on is my ability to have confidence in myself, and in my decisions. I don't pray to know as often as I should, and then when I do, I doubt that my thoughts are coming from God, or if they are coming from myself. (You see, I am definitely an overthinker.) As Elder Holland explains, we can apply a great message from Moses to our every day lives today:

"Don’t let your guard down. Don’t assume that a great revelation, some marvelous, illuminating moment, the opening of an inspired path, is the end of it. Remember, it isn’t over until it’s over.

And God will help us to know when it is over.

My favorite quote from the whole devotional is this:

"The reminder is that we cannot sign on for a battle of such eternal significance and everlasting consequence without knowing it will be a fight—a good fight and a winning fight, but a fight nevertheless."

How often are we fighting for what is right? How often do we sit back and allow wrong to happen in our lives and in the lives of those around us? It's hard. This life is a fight. But just as Elder Holland states, "..we cannot sign on for a battle of such eternal signficance... without knowing it will be a fight...". And I am prepared to win the fight.

Something that brings me great comfort is this thought; "Fear ye not, stand still, and see the salvation of the Lord. … The Lord shall fight for you.”

The devotional ends with Elder Holland exclaiming, "If God has told you something is right, if something is indeed true for you, He will provide the way for you to accomplish it."

I have seen that in my own life, in my families lives, and in my relationships. I know that to be true. God will never allow us to be tempted more than we are able, and he will always provide a way for us to accomplish the things he asks of us.

We are here for a reason. This life is hard, but it is a test. And I want to pass it. I will pass it, with flying colors, and I will live in eternal salvation with my family forever. I cannot wait. :)

If anyone would like to read this talk as a whole; it is called “Cast Not Away Therefore Your Confidence” by Elder Jeffrey R. Holland. And you can find that on www.lds.org.

:)

Bless the Broken Road.

Thank you to Rascal Flatts for inspiring this next blog post.

Jaymeson and I had the opportunity to go to a Rascal Flatts concert this weekend with some of our friends. (They were amazing, but that's besides the point.) We had a good time, we laughed, we sang, Brandon almost got beat up, and I won a huge beach ball from the radio station. :)

But I think the most important thing I (re)learned this weekend, was that everything happens for a reason.

While Rascal Flatts was singing their famous song "Bless the Broken Road", Brandon snapped this picture of us:

(Its obviously been photoshopped cuz I'm cheesy, ok?)

When I saw this picture, and heard the song, all I could think about was God really did bless my road. I've been hurt. Seriously hurt. By many men, family members, friends, lots of people. But everywhere I've been is exactly where I should have been. And everywhere I'm going has everything to do with the road God blessed me with. Looking back on all the pain, I wouldn't change it for the world.

I used to always tell myself and everyone else that Jon was an answer to my prayers. He magically appeared into my life right after I ended a very long and hurtful relationship. He swooped in and swept me off my feet, and because of him, I easily healed and moved on from that relationship when it otherwise could have been a very long and hard process. When I first got divorced, I spent a lot of time angry at that thought. How and why would God put Jonathan into my life to help me heal from my previous, devasting relationship and then turn around and hurt me worse?

Two reasons:

1. I did need Jonathan to help me heal from that relationship. But also, I believe the heartbreak of that previous relationship helped to prepare me for the hurt that would come from my marriage. Jon helped me heal from that relationship, and in turn he helped me to know how to heal from our relationship.

2. Jonathan led me to Jaymeson. Weird, right? Jaymeson and I know each other through a very twisted, complicated string of people. But without my marriage to Jon, I would never have known Jaymeson. And my broken road, has thus far, lead me to him.

I learned a lot down this long and crooked journey (Whoops, popped into Bachelor mode for a second. When does the next season start anyways?) that I've been on. I learned to love unconditionally, I learned to allow myself to cry (well, almost), I learned to be honest with myself, I learned to trust, I learned to be independent, I learned to give myself completely, and so many other qualities I hope to continue in all of my relationships. But most of all, I learned that God is with me the whole way.

I don't know where Jaymeson and I will go, but I do know that because of him I am a better person. And because of me, he is a better person. We fight and argue and bicker just like every other real relationship, but we also laugh and cry and dance and love together. We teach each other, we help each other, we have learned so much about ourselves and each other and relationships that if we do not end up together, we will be one hundred times more prepared for our "soul mate" (if you believe in those) than we would have been otherwise. We each are in the place that we need to be, and for what ever reason, we need each other now. And I'm grateful that my very broken road led me straight to him.

:)

"It's all part of a grander plan that is coming true."

Day 16 - A picture of someone who inspires you

So, I already posted today. But I am really excited to do this next post...

...and I'm super bored waiting for a certain someone to get off work...

...so I'm going to go ahead and post it anyways. :)

Someone who INSPIRES me.

In this case, there are two someones. And they just happened to be married. 

And they just happen to be part of my family. 

 

Photo by: Tiny Bird Photography

Please meet my brother and sister in law:

Zach and Catherine Christensen

I love these two with all of my heart, and they truly inspire me.

Zach and Catherine have been married for almost seven years, and every time I see them, 

they are just as in love as ever.

Zach is my oldest brother. 10 years older than me. And as he says it, we are the most similar out of all 7 of our siblings. That's funny to me because when he graduated from high school, and went off on a two year mission to Thailand, I was 9. That's 3rd Grade. And when he came home I was 11, and he went straight off to school in College Station, TX. I don't remember much about our time at home together. Well, except that I was hung upside down above the toilet on several occasions, and even above the washing machine a time or two. I even remember him being chased around the house by my mother at the age of 19. Oh dear. But I don't remember much else.

And yet, I miss him and his beautiful wife more than anything. 

The biggest reason they inspire me is this sweet example:

blog post by Catherine.

I'm pretty sure their blog is private, so I'll insert a few quotes here. Hope that's ok, Cat. :)

"Do you ever have those days where you just feel like "You know what? I'm doing everything I can do, the rest is out of my hands"?

Life has been sort of like that lately but that's not the emphasis of this post. It's really about the fact that I am grateful to have a husband that helps me feel like I can rest in the assurance that we're doing everything we can do and can leave the rest up to the Lord. I don't think of myself as especially "preachy" so I apologize if this post comes off that way. I have my beliefs and I love them and I appreciate that I married a man that does too. I love that I have a husband who will stop, as he's on his way out the door in the morning, so we can kneel down and say a prayer together and that will lie in bed with me at night to read scriptures and say another. I love watching him shave and dress up for church on Sundays, looking so handsome and prepared to go someplace special. I love that on payday, the first check he writes is tithing, without a grumble or begrudging it. It's so special to me, knowing that my children will see him putting such import on faith and responsibility. Knowing that the man I chose to lead my family is strong enough to not care what the world thinks or that these days you're considered a loon if you use the word "God", "blessings", "sin" or "righteous" in daily conversation. When life gets a bit hard, like it has been of late, I am so glad that I married this wonderful man who helps me be able to say "we're doing everything we can do so we know that God will take care of the rest" and really and truly know that it's so.

On a different note, he also has an exceptionally cute butt."

So, I took the whole thing. Sorry. It was too good to cut short.

Another reason they inspire me, is this:

 

another blog post by Catherine.

Why I Love Bedtime. . .

"I was thinking the other day about some of the things I love about Husband and starting laughing when I realized how many of them center around bedtime. Just some little things he does that make me smile and will help you to know him better.

When I fall asleep on the couch (about every other evening) he carries me to bed and only grunts just a very little.

When I was ALMOST asleep on Monday after a 7 mile run I heard him come into our room, give me a kiss and then he rubbed my legs for a minute, even though he thought I was sleeping.

A few months ago I was going to bed and sometimes I get grumpy if I'm real tired so I demanded that if he was not coming to bed with me he had to lie down and sing to me till I fell asleep. Of course he did 'cause 1) he's sweet and 2) he knows better than to argue with me when I'm tired. He sang the traditional "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" and a few other favorites and then, just as I'm drifting off, I hear him whisper "I feel pretty, oh so pretty. . ." I woke up laughing. :) A song I love from West Side Story, that he also loves thanks to Adam Sandler and Anger Management. :)

Lastly, my favorite part of any day is when we go to bed and I lie there in the crook of his arm and we just talk. We tell about our days, what we had thought about, life, etc. All our best discussions happen between going to bed and sleeping. I look forward to it every night.

See why I insist on saying I'm a lucky girl whenever I talk about him." 

Seriously? How stinking CUTE is that!?

Is it weird to say that I hope to marry somebody like my brother, Zach? And that I hope to be a loving, grateful wife like my sister in law, Catherine?

Luckily, at the rate I'm going, it's a possibility.

Zach and Catherine are two of my most favorite people in the world. They are both kind and loving, and extremely protective of me. They are so helpful, and hardworking, and everything I can only dream to be. They have been a huge support to me, through everything. And it's been a hard road, but they made it so much easier just by believing in me, and letting me know of their love for me. I am grateful for them and their prayers on my behalf, and their texts reminding me that they love me. I miss them dearly and hope that I can see them soon. :)

Tiny Bird Photography

Here's to you guys! I love you!

A Quote.

 A quote to learn to live by...

 

I found this quote on my cousin Andra's blog.

It was especially needed today. I'm at a time in my life 

where I'm rediscovering myself.

Wait, didn't I just do this?

Apparently, it's a never ending process in the life of Heather Sampson.

I'm probably going to post this quote on my mirror, along with many other inspiration quotes and goals, so that I can be reminded every day to 

change the way I think about things.

I'm going to teach myself to let go of the little things.

To recognize when things are just fine the way that they are.

And to remember that it's ok to change my mind.

With this quote from my wonderful cousin, comes this other quote that I love.

Some call it the Serenity Prayer.

 

If you have a chance, listen to that link. It's beautiful, and the video has lots of beautiful messages.

Anyways, off I go again, trying to take things day at a time. (so far... no good. haha)

Day 7 - A picture of your most treasured item

 

My Journal.

I LOVE having a journal.

My whole life, I've never been much of a journal writer, but about 6 months ago, I was going through a really hard time, and my amazing roommates bought me one and encouraged me to write in it. It was so helpful, and I love it, and I seriously am upset that I haven't been writing in one my whole life!

Something different.

I'm going to step away from the 30 day challenge for a minute...

Mostly because I can't figure out who the heck I'd want to switch places with for a day.

But also because of this picture...

This picture has been giving me some inspiration lately.

It's even currently the background on my phone.

These balloons have been in my house for over three weeks.

Three of them are from my roommate, Ariel's, birthday on February 13th. The other ten are from a very special boy on Valentines Day, who sent them, with flowers, to my work. :)

For some reason, that one balloon that still lives on, touches my heart. I feel like a freak saying that, but it really does. Every time I see it, I feel this small glimmer of hope.

I feel like this balloon symbolizes a few things.

One of those things being the strength that I've had to get through in the last year of my life, when I think that others in my situation wouldn't have. I feel extremely blessed to have come out of the last year with the attitude and experiences that I've had. I wouldn't change it for the world. I've learned so much about myself, and relationships, and my future, and I'm definitely 15 steps ahead of where I used to be.

Another thing, having the strength to stand strong and firm in what I believe, when others around me do not. I feel like this isn't something that I've ever struggled with. I've always known what was right for me, and what I wanted to do, and it's never been hard for me to stick to those values. I'm so grateful to have that strength as well.

And the last thing, standing out. Have you seen the motivational poster of all the blue balloons in the sky, and one of the balloons is yellow? I tried to find that picture, but I didn't have any luck. When I see this picture of my balloons, that's what I think about. Standing out and being different. That's one of my favorite things. I love to be different. I love not following the crowd, or following fads, and being different. I'm definitely not that different, but you can tell... at least a little bit. And I like it that way. :)