It is the reminder that the fight goes on...

"It is the plain and very sobering truth that before great moments, certainly before great spiritual moments, there can come adversity, opposition, and darkness. Life has some of those moments for us, and occasionally they come just as we are approaching an important decision or a significant step in our lives."

Thank you to my good friend Heidi for reminding me of this wonderful devotional given by Elder Holland several years ago.

I've been thinking a lot about this very thing lately. It always seems like the transition from Summer to Winter is always a hard time in the lives of people that I know. It certainly is for me. I hate the Winter. But besides that, I'm in the middle of a long process of a lot of big decisions in my life. I've been up and I've been down. I've had happy moments, and very sad moments. I've been hopeful, and I've been hopeless. And I've been really lost. But this passage from Elder Holland helps to put everything into perspective for me.

He reminds us that Satan doesn't want us to succeed spiritually. Meaning the small things, such as going to church every Sunday, reading our scriptures and praying, being an example to those around us. Or even the big things, such as living the Law of Chasity, or the Word of Wisdom, or choosing to be married in the temple. He reminds us that when we are at our highest points, they may feel, or even turn into our lowest points because of Satan.

Elder Holland says that "With any major decision there are cautions and considerations to make, but once there has been illumination, beware the temptation to retreat from a good thing. If it was right when you prayed about it and trusted it and lived for it, it is right now. Don’t give up when the pressure mounts. Certainly don’t give in to that being who is bent on the destruction of your happiness. Face your doubts. Master your fears. 'Cast not away therefore your confidence.' Stay the course and see the beauty of life unfold for you."

He tells us that "This opposition turns up almost any place something good has happened. It can happen when you are trying to get an education. It can hit you after your first month in your new mission field. It certainly happens in matters of love and marriage. It can occur in situations related to your family, Church callings, or career." And that is so true. When I look back at the moments in my life, where I was doing my best, that is when I felt the pressure to do my worst. And ironically enough, the moments where I have been my lowest, are the moments that I have drawn closest to God and strengthened my testimony in Him.

Something I have been falling short on is my ability to have confidence in myself, and in my decisions. I don't pray to know as often as I should, and then when I do, I doubt that my thoughts are coming from God, or if they are coming from myself. (You see, I am definitely an overthinker.) As Elder Holland explains, we can apply a great message from Moses to our every day lives today:

"Don’t let your guard down. Don’t assume that a great revelation, some marvelous, illuminating moment, the opening of an inspired path, is the end of it. Remember, it isn’t over until it’s over.

And God will help us to know when it is over.

My favorite quote from the whole devotional is this:

"The reminder is that we cannot sign on for a battle of such eternal significance and everlasting consequence without knowing it will be a fight—a good fight and a winning fight, but a fight nevertheless."

How often are we fighting for what is right? How often do we sit back and allow wrong to happen in our lives and in the lives of those around us? It's hard. This life is a fight. But just as Elder Holland states, "..we cannot sign on for a battle of such eternal signficance... without knowing it will be a fight...". And I am prepared to win the fight.

Something that brings me great comfort is this thought; "Fear ye not, stand still, and see the salvation of the Lord. … The Lord shall fight for you.”

The devotional ends with Elder Holland exclaiming, "If God has told you something is right, if something is indeed true for you, He will provide the way for you to accomplish it."

I have seen that in my own life, in my families lives, and in my relationships. I know that to be true. God will never allow us to be tempted more than we are able, and he will always provide a way for us to accomplish the things he asks of us.

We are here for a reason. This life is hard, but it is a test. And I want to pass it. I will pass it, with flying colors, and I will live in eternal salvation with my family forever. I cannot wait. :)

If anyone would like to read this talk as a whole; it is called “Cast Not Away Therefore Your Confidence” by Elder Jeffrey R. Holland. And you can find that on www.lds.org.

:)

Tuesday the 30th

On to more serious thoughts...

For those of you who can't read that:

"The time you invest to deeply understand the people you love brings tremendous dividends in open communication. Many of the problems that plague families and marriages simply won't have time to fester and develop. The communication becomes so open that potential problems can be nipped in the bud."

My parents are divorced, I'm divorced, and because I'm divorced, a lot of people that I know are divorced.

This "Habit for Highly Effective People", I believe, could save marriages.

If you look back on all the relationships you know of, of people that are divorced... I bet communication was one of the top causes in their divorce. I know that when I first got divorced, a good friend of mine was preparing a lesson in Relief Society and she wanted to know my thoughts on "characteristics of successful relationships" and that was the first thing that popped into my head. Communication.

Now, Heaven knows my divorce was caused by much more than miscommunication, but I firmly believe that if we had communicated properly with each other, a lot could have been avoided.

In my relationships with my family, friends, roommates, people at work, and even with Jaymeson, I've noticed the difference in communicating issues and solutions when they come about, instead of letting them fester and blow up days later. It's ALWAYS a good thing, and it's probably saved a lot of my relationships with people.

I'm obviously not a pro at it, but I'm working on it. And I know and value the importance of it.

Just passing along some knowledge... :)

Bless the Broken Road.

Thank you to Rascal Flatts for inspiring this next blog post.

Jaymeson and I had the opportunity to go to a Rascal Flatts concert this weekend with some of our friends. (They were amazing, but that's besides the point.) We had a good time, we laughed, we sang, Brandon almost got beat up, and I won a huge beach ball from the radio station. :)

But I think the most important thing I (re)learned this weekend, was that everything happens for a reason.

While Rascal Flatts was singing their famous song "Bless the Broken Road", Brandon snapped this picture of us:

(Its obviously been photoshopped cuz I'm cheesy, ok?)

When I saw this picture, and heard the song, all I could think about was God really did bless my road. I've been hurt. Seriously hurt. By many men, family members, friends, lots of people. But everywhere I've been is exactly where I should have been. And everywhere I'm going has everything to do with the road God blessed me with. Looking back on all the pain, I wouldn't change it for the world.

I used to always tell myself and everyone else that Jon was an answer to my prayers. He magically appeared into my life right after I ended a very long and hurtful relationship. He swooped in and swept me off my feet, and because of him, I easily healed and moved on from that relationship when it otherwise could have been a very long and hard process. When I first got divorced, I spent a lot of time angry at that thought. How and why would God put Jonathan into my life to help me heal from my previous, devasting relationship and then turn around and hurt me worse?

Two reasons:

1. I did need Jonathan to help me heal from that relationship. But also, I believe the heartbreak of that previous relationship helped to prepare me for the hurt that would come from my marriage. Jon helped me heal from that relationship, and in turn he helped me to know how to heal from our relationship.

2. Jonathan led me to Jaymeson. Weird, right? Jaymeson and I know each other through a very twisted, complicated string of people. But without my marriage to Jon, I would never have known Jaymeson. And my broken road, has thus far, lead me to him.

I learned a lot down this long and crooked journey (Whoops, popped into Bachelor mode for a second. When does the next season start anyways?) that I've been on. I learned to love unconditionally, I learned to allow myself to cry (well, almost), I learned to be honest with myself, I learned to trust, I learned to be independent, I learned to give myself completely, and so many other qualities I hope to continue in all of my relationships. But most of all, I learned that God is with me the whole way.

I don't know where Jaymeson and I will go, but I do know that because of him I am a better person. And because of me, he is a better person. We fight and argue and bicker just like every other real relationship, but we also laugh and cry and dance and love together. We teach each other, we help each other, we have learned so much about ourselves and each other and relationships that if we do not end up together, we will be one hundred times more prepared for our "soul mate" (if you believe in those) than we would have been otherwise. We each are in the place that we need to be, and for what ever reason, we need each other now. And I'm grateful that my very broken road led me straight to him.

:)

"It's all part of a grander plan that is coming true."

a singular thought that has occupied my time.

I have this cute little day by day calendar at work. Each day has a different principle that comes straight from the book Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, and each quote comes with a lovely little nature picture. It's pretty cute.

So every day I get to work, and I look forward to what comes next in my journey to becoming "highly effective". I'm all about self-help, ya know.

This little gem is what I came across today:

‎"We all can 'pose' and 'put on' for a stranger or an associate. We can pretend. And for a while we will get by with it -- at least in public. We might even deceive ourselves. Yet I believe that most of us know the truth of what we really are inside; and I think many of those we live with, work with, and closely associate with do as well."

This is something I have been thinking about a lot lately. Literally. I've probably wasted a few hours of my life over the past few weeks thinking about this exact thing.

Why do we pretend to be something we're not? Why don't we just be who we are? And if we aren't happy with who we are, why don't we just become something to be proud of, and THEN talk about it, instead of pretending, and then disappointing everyone, including yourself, in the long run?

Sometimes I just want to scream about (AT) people who act this way.

Because of this new-found realization that a lot of people are fake and a lot of us idiots keep falling for it, I've come up with a few things I'm definitely going to think about when considering people I want to associate with, and at the very least, get romantically involved with (You might want to take notes.):

How many times do they go to class/work in a week? How many times to they call in or skip? How many classes have they had to retake?
How much debt do they have? How much money do they have saved?
Are they spenders? (Any time there is money, is it gone as quickly as it came on needless, worthless items they couldn't seem to wait for?)
Do they survive off of their parents? Are they financially and emotionally dependent to them?
Do they pretend to be "big man on campus" when it comes to their job, or have they really gotten fired and/or never stayed with a job for any significant period of time, and never been successful in it?
Do/Did they cheat on significant others in their lifetime?
How often do they go to church? How often are they "too sick" to go to church, or other important obligations in life?
Are they unreliable? Do they follow through with any commitment that they make? Do they give up easily?
Are they unteachable?
How many of their friends are still their friends from 1+ years ago? Or have they seemed to remove themselves from the picture?
Are they overly confident (cocky) in themselves? Do they consider everybody else beneath them?
Are they impossible to communicate with?
Does everything else always seem to be more important than you or things that are important to you?

I probably could go on...

Sad, isn't it? How many people do you know that are like this? Too many. How many of those questions can you answer "yes" to? If it's more than a few, you've probably got issues.

I hate what this world has become.

Geez, I feel like I'm BECOMING a self help book.

The moral of my story is this: You can put up that front for so long, (believe me, I know) but not forever. Someday you'll have a husband or a wife, or a roommate, or even serious girlfriend/boyfriend, maybe even a family member, and you won't be able to hide from them anymore. They'll start to wonder where all the greatness is that you talked up for so long, only to find out it was all a lie. And then you'll run. Run away from all your friends, significant others, to somewhere else where people don't know you, so you can start all over again. The process is never ending. Literally, never ending. Until one sad day, years from now probably, when you've lost everyone and everything you had to your lies and selfishness, you'll realize: Man, it wasn't everyone else. It was me.

So grow up, people. Stop pretending, and start DOING.

This little quote came from some thoughts in my journal while I was going through my divorce, and I stick to it. It's some good stuff.

Everybody has potential. We shouldn't be sitting around waiting, and hoping for someone to start living up to their potential, we should be searching for the ones who already are.


Disclaimer: This post isn't about anybody in particular (Ok, yes it is. But don't think too hard, it's obvious.)

A Sweet Experience

For those who don't know, I am currently in a relationship with a wonderful man named Jaymeson. Our relationship has been full of ups and downs, and several unwanted and unnecessary circumstances and difficulties, but overall, it's all been worth it.

Because of my past relationships, I have lots of insecurities and a lot of those insecurities seem to bring me down and make me over think a lot of the things that I experience with Jaymeson.

The other day, I heard a song on the radio that made me feel a particular insecurity and it brought me down. (It's stupid how the littlest things can ruin a whole day.) Jaymeson, being the mind reader that he is, immediately could tell something was wrong. Now, since I'm a girl, and a stupid one sometimes, I try to hide it and pretend like nothing is wrong half of the time, but I also have this weird need to clean and organize things when I'm upset, so it becomes obvious. I went about cleaning my purse, folding random clothes on the floor, etc, and then I just got so overwhelmed with the way that I felt, that I just plopped myself down on the bed and began to think. My mind was running on one million miles an hour when I decided to stop feeling sorry for myself. I forced myself up off the bed and into the kitchen. I proceeded to pull a bowl and spoon out of the dirty dishes in the dishwasher to clean them so that I could eat some cereal (it's my favorite, ok?) when Jaymeson walked up behind me and grabbed me and gave me the softest, sweetest hug I've ever had in my life. Then he grabbed my face, looked me right in the eyes, and said something along the lines of, "I don't want to be with anyone but you." Then he took the bowl and spoon from my hands and started to wash them for me. My eyes filled with tears as I watched him simply, and gently  wash those two dishes for me so that I wouldn't have to.

Two thoughts entered my mind.

The first being Christ, washing the feet of the disciples found in John 13. I pictured Christ gently washing the feet of His disciples, even Simon Peter who He knew would betray Him. I thought, how amazing can Christ be, first to be Christ, a perfect being, washing the feet of those who were not perfect, but then to be Christ, washing the feet of a man who He knew would betray Him. He didn't need to do it, but He did it to show them that He loved them, and to be an example to them.

And the second was service. Service seems to have been brought up in a lot of my more meaningful conversations lately. I've thought a lot about it, and about how when you serve someone, you learn to love them. And the more you serve, the more your love grows. Even the smallest things, like washing a bowl and a spoon.

I'm grateful for that small and simple experience that I had with Jaymeson. It touched my heart, and definitely made for a sweet memory, as well as strengthened my testimony of service and love.

Thank you Jaymeson.

Now, let's go catch some fish!

Day 23 - A picture of your favorite book.

I don't read nearly as much as I should...

And I don't really think I could pick a favorite.

I really love reading "self help" books. I love learning about psychology, and why people think and feel the way that they do.

I'm currently reading...

It's a great book on how to let go of the things that are holding us back in life. It was recommending to me by a therapist, and it's amazing! I've only just started it, but I'll let ya'll know how it goes. :)

Day 24 - A picture of something you wish you could change

Day 17 - A picture of something that has made a huge impact on your life recently

photo from google images

 This is a photo of the Provo, UT Temple for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.

A few months ago, I was going through a particularly hard time, and a friend of mine's dad gave me a blessing and encouraged me to attend the temple once a week. He promised me that if I did, I would find the answers that I needed, and I would be able to get through "this" quickly.  

And he was right!

I started going. Every single week. I usually go on Friday nights, as a date night to myself, and I mostly go alone. I tried to go to different temples throughout Utah and Salt Lake Valley, but this one is just a few seconds down the road, so I find myself there most often. 

 Temples are healing. Temples renew our souls. 

No sacrifice is too great to get to the temple.

Without the temple, we cannot live again with our Heavenly Father,

and we cannot be with our families for eternity. 

Through temples, we can help others do what they cannot do for themselves.

What a blessing to be able to do the Lord's work,

and what a privilege to be trusted by God for this purpose.

I am so grateful to be worthy to enter the House of the Lord.