Showing posts with label Mothers. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Mothers. Show all posts

Wednesday, April 8, 2015

Are you an evil step mother?


Right before Jayah started Preschool, her dad and I got married. I had already been a part of her life for almost 2 years, but never officially had the title of "step-mother".

I remember the first time I picked her up from Preschool, she introduced me to all of her little friends as Heather. Then someone asked, "Is that your mom?" And she said "She's my step-mom." Then one little girl said, "Are you an evil step-mother?"

Not even a week after I became a step-mom, I was already thrown into the "evil step-mother" category. It made me kind of sad! Luckily for me, the "evil step-mother" persona has never been an issue for me. Jayah is the most loving and accepting little girl you could ever imagine. She has never been hateful to me, she has never been mean to me, and she has never said "you're not my mom so you can't tell me what to do." I have been so blessed.

Although Jayah has been (mostly) easy, being a step mom hasn't always. Her mom and I butt heads sometimes, and it's hard having a child come into my home half the time who I don't have any control over what she is exposed to the other half of the time. I became a member of several different Step-Mom Support Groups. I never post to them, but I enjoy reading what other things stepmothers are experiencing.

With the release of the Cinderella movie came a lot of talk about evil step-mothers. Step-moms speaking out about their insecurities about the movie, and not wanting their step-children to see it for fear of inviting the evil step-mom persona into their lives. Jayah's mom invited me to go see Cinderella with her and Jayah. At first I didn't think much of it, but once I started seeing these posts, I kind of got a little worried. Did she invite me because she wants Jayah to associate me with Cinderella's step-mom? Is Jayah going to associate me with the evil step-mom once she sees it? Does she ALREADY feel that way?

So, we went to see the movie together. Jayah sat in between us, we had popcorn, Jayah spilled her (very large) sprite all over the floor, and it was fun! At the end of the movie, Jayah's mom said something about how mean Cinderella's step-mother was and how blessed Jayah is that I am not like that. Then Jayah said, "You're not an evil step-mom, you're the BEST step-mom, and I love you so much!" and danced with me all the way out to the car.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again. I never asked to be a step-mom. It was never in my plans. But being a step-mom has been one of the best things that's ever happened to me, and it's all because of Jayah! I am so blessed.



Monday, November 18, 2013

Introducing My Baby...

Tatum Blake Roush
Born on Friday, July 19, 2013, at 6:17 AM
6 lbs. 12 oz. and 20 1/2  in. long

In honor of Tatum's 4 month birthday tomorrow, I have decided to finally write his birth story. Here goes!

Everything had been going like normal, other than the fact that Jaymeson and I had Carbon Monoxide poisoning 10 days previously, which meant I would have to go to fetal monitoring 2-3 times a week. During those appointments, they discovered that my baby was not creating any amniotic fluid (because of the CO poisoning), and my levels were very low. They had talked about maybe having to induce me if it got too low, but at that time I was okay.

On July 18, I was officially full time at 37 weeks. I woke up and went to work like normal, although I noticed that I had started to leak something. I didn't really think much of it because everything is always so weird when you are pregnant, and went about my work day. Throughout the day it got worse, where I was going to the bathroom every few minutes because the pads I was wearing were full. (TMI? Sorry.) So I started to think, what if my water broke? I texted me wonderful neighbor, Chelsea, to ask her what it feels like when your water breaks. She is the mother of 4 children, and always has really great advice so I thought she might be good to ask. She told me her thoughts and then recommended that I call my midwife.

Well.... I really didn't want to call my midwife, so I just went about my day. Then I thought, maybe I should ask Jaymeson what he thinks. So I did. He also told me to call the midwife. I thought about it for a little while, and then I decided to call my midwife. I explained what happened, she asked a few questions about contractions and such, and then said "Well, come on in. If you're not going to have this baby on your own, then we are going to have to induce you." I hung up the phone. Looked out of my office door, made eye contact with Megan (a fellow pregnant co-worker) who asked if I was ok, and I immediately started bawling. I was not ready to have a baby! And I definitely didn't want to be induced.

Some of my coworkers came into the office and tried to calm me down. Another coworker ran upstairs to tell my boss that I was going to have a baby and that we would be leaving soon. His response was "Well, better take her to the hospital. We don't have any towels." Why am I not surprised at that response? ;) Meanwhile, the leaking continued. I called Jaymeson to let him know that I was going to the hospital and they said they would induce me. He informed me that he was all the way out in Springville (close to an hour from the hospital) and wouldn't be able to leave until a replacement came. (It's like my worst fear about labor was coming true.)

I got to the hospital, checked into labor and delivery, put on one of  those awful gowns, and waited for a nurse to come check me out. They hooked me up to the fetal monitors that I had become so familiar with, and then checked to see if my water had actually broken. During this process, we could see that I was having pretty steady and strong contractions, however I didn't feel any of them.

They lifted my bed and shined an obnoxiously bright spotlight at my baby making areas to check for my water breaking. They kept referring to something called "Ferning", which I eventually found out was how they could tell if your water had broken. They swipe your vaginal area with a swab, put it on a slide, let it sit for about 10 minutes, stick it under a microscope, and if they see ferning (the shape of an actual fern plant), then your water has broken. Well... they came back, and said that it hadn't. So I asked what I could possibly be leaking, and they didn't have any answers. I asked them to please check again to see if my water had broken, because I knew that it had. They lifted my bed again, got out that annoying spotlight and did their "ferning" process again. While we were waiting for the results, someone came in with an ultrasound machine to measure my amniotic fluid. It was lower than it had recently been, but still not too low, so they determined that part of the fluid was being hidden. 15 minutes later, they came back with results of the ferning test and said that my water had indeed, not broken. I, again, asked what I could possibly be leaking if my water hadn't broken, and the response was "You must have a yeast infection." Right. I have absolutely no signs of a yeast infection, I am 37 weeks pregnant, and I am leaking,  but no, I just have a Yeast Infection. I asked them if they could at least check me for dilation, in which they responded that they would do that at my next appointment, which wasn't for 6 days. Ok then.

They gave me a prescription for antibiotics to clear up my so-called Yeast Infection. I got dressed, checked out of the hospital, and went to get my prescription. (Side note, I think the worst thing about being pregnant, is going to the hospital, thinking you are in labor, and finding out that you are not.) My plan was to head back to work, but by the time I finally got my prescription, it was close to 4:00 and I didn't feel like it. So I left the hospital, let Jaymeson know I was being sent home, and headed over to pick up Jayah from her moms.

On the way to Jayah's mom, I started having contractions that I could feel and were painful. . They came out of nowhere and where immediately only a few minutes apart. I picked her up, and she begged me to take her swimming at Jaymeson's mom's house. We went home to get our swimsuits and then headed over. My neighbor called to see how everything went at the hospital, and could tell that I was in a lot of pain while we were on the phone. She recommended going back to the hospital, but I of course didn't listen because I didn't want to get sent home again. (Reminder, always listen to Chelsea. She knows best.) So I went on my way to my mother in laws.

Once we got there, the contractions had gotten even more painful, and she could immediately tell that I was in a lot of pain. I kept having to go to the bathroom, but I couldn't. I was doubled over on the couch trying to handle these contractions. I couldn't concentrate or respond to anything anyone was saying to me. I remember being in the bathroom, and my friend Cassie called, and even she could tell I was having a hard time!

Jayah kept begging to go out to the pool, so we decided to head out there and get me in the water to see if that helped at all. By now, my mother in law was almost positive that I was going to have a baby that night. We had started to time my contractions and they were about 2 minutes apart for over a minute long. I asked my mother in law to call my midwife and she did. She explained the situation to the midwife on call (also the one who I had seen earlier that day), who's response was "Well, she can come in if she wants, but she's going to be disappointed when I have to send her home again." She also said that I could have contractions like that for days before going into labor, to which I thought, NO WAY can I have contractions like this for days. I am completely dysfunctional like this. In the meantime, my friend Stephanie (who was due 9 days after me) had heard the news that I was having contractions and was texting me. I don't remember anything we talked about it, but I am sure that it was along the lines of freaking out, and oh my gosh you are having a baby.

After getting in the pool (which made it worse), we decided that I needed to go back to the hospital. My mother in law called Jaymeson (who was still out in Springville) and told him that I would be having the baby tonight and he needed to get home to take me to the hospital as soon as possible. After what felt like hours (was probably really only an hour), Jaymeson got there, picked me up, and we headed to the hospital.

Throughout my whole pregnancy, I had decided that I wanted to have a natural birth. At least, I wanted to try. On the car ride there, I was in a lot of pain and made the decision that no way was I going to try to do this natural. We got to the hospital, checked in, and I immediately asked the nurse for an epidural. She told me that she couldn't give me an epidural because they weren't sure if I was in labor or not, but they could give me some pain killers to take the edge off. Yea right. That stuff didn't work at all. All I remember about this part was that I kept telling Jaymeson how stupid this was ("this" meaning the pain), and how much I hated it, etc. Haha!

They lifted my bed up, got out the annoying spotlight again to check for ferning, came back about 15 minutes later and confirmed that my water HAD broken and I was dilated to 3 cm.. Thank you for confirming what I already knew was true. Luckily this time, it was a different midwife so I didn't scream at her for sending me home earlier when she shouldn't. I liked this one also, because she was the one who was there during the CO hospitalization, so I was familiar with her, and she was really nice.

After they confirmed that my water had broken, they brought in the anesthesiologist to give me the epidural. Once the epidural was in, I was in HEAVEN. It seriously, was the best thing ever. And I will never even think about doing a natural birth again.  I was calm, I wasn't in pain, and Jaymeson and I were left sitting there talking about how crazy it was that we were going to be having a baby that night. Shortly after this, Jaymeson's mom brought Jayah to the hospital to hang out with us. We played some games, watched some tv, and talked about what her baby brother would look like.

Shortly after that, Jaymeson, Jayah, and Jill left to get food and pack a hospital bag for me. (Reminder, don't wait until 37 weeks to back your hospital bag... just in case.) About half an hour after they left, they called to see where I was at. I had dilated to a 7! They hadn't even been home yet, so they raced home, then they raced back to the hospital so that they wouldn't miss anything. Jaymeson told me that Jill was driving 80 miles an hour the whole way back to the hospital.

A few hours went by, and I was still dilated to a 7. My contractions were still 1-2 minutes apart for over a minute long (though, luckily I couldn't feel them.) My midwife had decided that she needed to do something to speed up the labor, so she gave me some Potocin. At that point, they checked to make sure the baby wasn't breached or anything like that. They found out that he was head down, but he was face up. They said that I could still delivery him that way, but that it would be more difficult. So they decided to try to get him to turn by having me lay in certain, weird positions until it was time to push.

By then it was after 9:00. Jayah had fallen asleep, Jaymeson was falling asleep, and Jill was texting me parents keeping them updated. Hours passed, and I was left awake watching stupid middle of the night tv shows and waiting for something to happen. Finally, 5:00 AM or so came around on the 19th and my midwife told me that the baby had turned face down, it was time to push. Holy cow, this was it! I woke up Jaymeson and Jill and got ready to push.

How come nobody warns you about pushing? Pushing was by far, the hardest part of labor. It was so tiring, and there were times where I didn't think I could do it. I pushed for about an hour, and out came my cone headed, bald baby boy. At some point during pushing, I had taken my glasses off. So when he came out, and they plopped him down on my chest, I really couldn't see anything. The lights were dim, and I was honestly too tired from pushing to care. Then they took him away to measure him and everything, and brought him back.

They informed me that because he was in my belly too long without any amniotic fluid, that he had a fever and an infection, so they were going to have to take him away from monitoring and antibiotics. I got to hold him for a few minutes, wake up Jayah to hold her new baby brother (yes she slept through the entire delivery process), take a picture, and then they took him away. They finished cleaning me up and then wheeled me to my room where I would be spending the rest of my time at the hospital.

I didn't see Tatum for a few hours after he was born. You know how mom's will say that they fell in love with their baby the moment the laid eyes on him/her? That wasn't the case for me. It took me a few days to really fall in love with Tatum. And I really believe that it was because I didn't get to spend any real time with him while we were in the hospital because they kept taking him away from me for testing and antibiotics. Jaymeson had to work all night the night after Tatum was born, so my wonderful mother in law came and stayed with me at the hospital. When Jaymeson came, he was of course exhausted, so he slept all day. Then he had to work again all night. And slept all day again, the next day. So, I spent a lot of time alone.

Because of the lack of oxygen to Tatum's kidneys, he was not pooping or peeing like he was supposed to. They were worried that his kidney's might be defective and talked about having to keep him longer even after we were discharged. I did not want to leave my baby at the hospital by himself! Luckily, just before we were discharged, he pooped and they let us take him home. We got him dressed in a cute outfit and put him in his cute carseat and headed home. It was the craziest feeling to me and I was completely overwhelmed.

We pulled up to our house and I sat in the car bawling my eyes out because I was so overwhelmed and I didn't know how to be a mom. I contribute a lot of the reason that I was so overwhelmed to the fact that my house was a disaster. We didn't know, or even expect me to go into labor so soon, so we hadn't prepared at all. My wonderful mother in law could sense that and hung out at our house for a few hours and deep cleaned everywhere. I love her and I am so grateful for her. It was really hard for me being so far away from my family, and having none of my family there for support, but she took such good care of me. I couldn't ask for a better support system and mother in law than her. :)

So, now my sweet baby boy turns 4 months old tomorrow and I am so in love with me. After I had him, everyone would ask me if there was anything about having a baby that surprised me. My response was always, "I never knew that I would love him this much." And it is so true. I love Tatum more than anything in the world and the past 4 months have been the happiest of my entire life. He is perfect and wonderful and I am so grateful to be his mother. I love you baby boy!

At 4 months, Tatum is very vocal. He talks all the time and is very opinionated in his "words." He smiles so big when he sees me and his daddy, and he loves to be held. I am no longer able to nurse, so he drinks from a bottle that he can hold himself. He wakes up every 3 hours or so to eat and then he goes right back to sleep. He loves to hang out in his Johnny Bouncer (even though he can't bounce himself, he just likes to stand in it.) He was blessed on October 13, in Texas with my family. And he is the light of our lives. Here are some pictures of his life so far (sorry they are out of order):

1 month old
1 month old
2 weeks old
1 day old
2 Days old
6 weeks old
3 months old
2 months old
Almost 4 months old














Saturday, March 9, 2013

Baby Boy Roush

We are having a baby boy!! He's super cute and super healthy, and he's got all of his organs and body parts! Even Jayah was excited it was a boy!

We had my NuMom2Be Study Thursday night, where Jayah was able to come with us. The first thing we did was the gender ultrasound. Jayah was hugging on my arm and laughing, and only slightly disappointed that it wasn't a little sister. But we told her the next one would be. :) It was really cool because we got to see him opening and closing his mouth and sticking his tongue out. He was even holding his legs up over his head with his hands. Poor guy looks so so squished in there! We got a video of the ultrasound, which is really cool. We can watch it at home on our DVD player, but so far that's the only place we have been able to watch it.

Perfect Baby Boy
 
The next morning, we had my regular doctor's appointment with Dr. Evanson (who I am still not a huge fan of. Maybe not her, but the whole experience at her office.) Just me and Jaymeson this time. We did another gender ultrasound first thing, confirming that it really was a boy, and then she showed us all of his organs and everything. We got another video of this ultrasound with the heartbeat. I am trying to upload it to the blog, but it's not working.

After the ultrasound, we met with the doctor and talked about possible "birthing plans". I'm still honestly, very unsure of how I want the delivery to go, other than non-complicated.

His perfect little foot.
 
We are very excited for a baby boy. Jaymeson has had the name picked out since we started dating, but I'm still warming up to it, while looking around at other options. We have also decided to do a Dallas Cowboys nursery. I figure if I'm having a boy, he's probably going to follow in his Daddy's footsteps and play football, rather than his Mommy's and play soccer. I'm ok with that though. It will be cute to watch him grow up learning to play football with his dad.

Also a major plus: His dad is super handsome, so he's bound to be super handsome too, right?

My next appointment is in 6ish week. I'll be 24 weeks and a little more than halfway through... thank goodness.

Other Roush news: Jayah turns FIVE in a little over a week! How crazy is that?! She is getting so big and learning so much in her Kindergarten Prep class. She is also starting a mini soccer camp with her school coming up. I'm really hoping she loves it, because I would LOVE to be her soccer coach. She's learning about teeth, and the days of the week, and even learned the letter "Q" this week. She already knows that quiet and quick start with letter Q. She knows how to spell her name, Mommy, Daddy, love, baby, and a few other words she loves. And she has my phone number memorized.

His perfect little.... boy parts.
 
Jayah and I are also performing in "Music Man" in a few weeks. We are just in the chorus, but it will be fun to be on stage and dance with her. She did "Annie Get Your Gun" last year, and made the cutest little piglet, and townsgirl. This year, she is also a townsgirl, and a perfect little drummer. I just get to stand on stage looking fat, in a pretty blue dress. :-P

We are also, hopefully, moving soon. We have kind of kept this on the down-low, but we are BUYING A HOUSE. We haven't said anything because we have had so much bad luck with home-buying. But this one, is hopefully working out! I've been really frustrated with my realtor, and also the lenders. It seems like every day they tell me something else that they need, pushing out the closing date further and further. We've been "about to close" for about 2 weeks now. As of yesterday, we should close by this coming Friday. I hope that's true, because we only have 2 weeks until we have to be out of this apartment!

If any of you are master cleaners and/or painters, we could use your help! We have to clean and paint our new house before moving in. And then we have to super clean this apartment to avoid their ridiculous moving out fees. All the while, me being pregnant, and unable to do most of those things.

 
 As for pregnancy sickness, it seems to be getting better, but still there. I always think it's getting better and then it comes back to bite me in the butt. I really really really REALLY hope it goes away soon, because I hear it comes back with the 3rd trimester. I still haven't felt the baby move yet, but hopefully (I think hopefully) soon. The ultrasound technician said he's kicking me all over and has his head buried in my bladder, so maybe it's a good thing I can't feel him just yet. ;-)
 
5 more months until we get to hold him in our arms!!

 
 
 
 






Monday, December 10, 2012

Announcing...


Jayah is extra excited to announce the birth of a baby brother or sister next Summer!


Jayah has been asking for a baby sister for as long as her Dad and I have been together (coming up on 2 years). Although, we aren't entirely sure that we'll be able to fulfill that wish 100%, we've got a good start!

The news came on a Thursday night when I was just two days late for my period. It was a stressful day, with lots (and lots) of crazy things happening. Jaymeson had mentioned his worries about if I was pregnant, etc, and how knowing that I wasn't would relieve some stress.. So we decided to take a trip to the local Smith's to get a pregnancy test.

 (Can you tell this wasn't planned?)

At Smith's, all the pregnancy tests were locked up in their own individual boxes, so we had to have a sales associates unlock the box for us. It took him probably 4-6 minutes to figure out how to do it. Then we bought it and headed home. The whole way home, I was reading online about the best time/way to take a pregnancy test. Jaymeson wanted me to take it right away, but I wanted to wait until morning, or until I was 7 days late, or any other time so I didn't have to face a "no" on the test.

I pretty much refused to take the test until the morning, so Jaymeson went to bed, and I couldn't handle it anymore. I took the test and saw this...

I sat there for a minute, texted this picture to my friend Sarah, and panicked. I have been baby hungry for quite some time, but I never actually thought it would happen so soon. I wandered around the house for a few minutes thinking of how to tell Jaymeson. I have always imagined the cutest ways to tell my husband that I was pregnant, so I wanted to plan something super cute. That lasted for a few minutes (I have no self control.) before I laid down next to Jaymeson and tapped him on the forehead to wake him up. I dropped the test down in front him. He looked at it and said "What?" and then "Why are there two lines?" and then held me until we both fell asleep.

I woke up in the morning, while it was still dark, to kisses all over my face from Jaymeson and then he left for work. We didn't get to talk all day, but when he came home he was very happy. He was super excited about our news, and he even told all of his work buddies. I, on the other hand, had turned into a worry wart. I have since, somewhat, warmed up to the idea, but I am still super nervous. I don't know if I am quite ready for this!

I am 6 weeks along, and so far pregnancy has made me one, mean Mama! I am tired (all of the time), hungry (all of the time), although nothing tastes or sounds good, and grumpy (all of the time.) Who came up with this pregnancy thing anyways!? 

We had our first appointment a few days ago, where they took SEVEN viles of blood from me. We did some other normal tests, and then we did an ultrasound.

Normally they don't do ultrasounds that early in the process, but I was having some pain in my left side so they were concerned about the location of the pregnancy. (Ectopic Pregnancy) The ultrasound found my uterus with a teeny, tiny baby in it right away. Thank goodness!

So all is well and Jaymeson and I are in the process of looking for a house to fit our new addition, and I am praying every day that I don't get fat.





Sunday, May 13, 2012

Thank you Jayah.


Although technically I am not a mother, I will always consider this year as my very first Mother's Day.  



Thank you Jayah for allowing me to be your "second mom".
Thank you Jayah for your sweet hands that help to cook dinner.
Thank you Jayah for being so loving.


Thank you Jayah for your sweet heart that opens up to me.
Thank you Jayah for your sweet smile that warms my heart every time I see you.
Thank you Jayah for your eyes, so full of wonder and kindness.


Thank you Jayah for your loving ways.
Thank you Jayah for your laughter.
Thank you Jayah for your sense of direction.


Thank you Jayah for your voice that brings peace to my soul with every word.
Thank you Jayah for bringing joy to my life.
Thank you Jayah for lighting up the room when you walk in.


Thank you Jayah for your sweet kisses, especially in times of need.
Thank you for your sillyness, and helping me to remember my sillyness.
 Thank you Jayah for your free spirit and the way you help me to see life differently.

  

Thank you Jayah for allowing your daddy to love me as much as he does.
Thank you Jayah for wanting me to be there with you every step of the way.
Thank you Jayah for taking such a difficult situation, and making it easier than I could ever have imagined.

  

Thank you Jayah for being exactly who you are.
I'm so grateful to have this angel as a part of me for eternity.