Grateful

Normally I write in my blog when I have something to think about, something to teach, something to complain about, or something to nag about. Not today.

Today I am just grateful.

I am a lucky girl. And I think sometimes I forget just how lucky I am.

I have a family who loves me. I have a boyfriend who loves me. I have a job that most people at my age, and level of education, don't deserve. I have a car that runs. I have a warm house, with warm and loving roommates. I have beliefs. I am healthy. I am getting an education. And so so much more.

I am so grateful for everything that my life has placed in my direction, and everything that God has blessed me with. Despite a lot of hard times in my life, I am so happy that I am where I am, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

At least for today. ;)

So today I want you to know, that I am grateful.

It is the reminder that the fight goes on...

"It is the plain and very sobering truth that before great moments, certainly before great spiritual moments, there can come adversity, opposition, and darkness. Life has some of those moments for us, and occasionally they come just as we are approaching an important decision or a significant step in our lives."

Thank you to my good friend Heidi for reminding me of this wonderful devotional given by Elder Holland several years ago.

I've been thinking a lot about this very thing lately. It always seems like the transition from Summer to Winter is always a hard time in the lives of people that I know. It certainly is for me. I hate the Winter. But besides that, I'm in the middle of a long process of a lot of big decisions in my life. I've been up and I've been down. I've had happy moments, and very sad moments. I've been hopeful, and I've been hopeless. And I've been really lost. But this passage from Elder Holland helps to put everything into perspective for me.

He reminds us that Satan doesn't want us to succeed spiritually. Meaning the small things, such as going to church every Sunday, reading our scriptures and praying, being an example to those around us. Or even the big things, such as living the Law of Chasity, or the Word of Wisdom, or choosing to be married in the temple. He reminds us that when we are at our highest points, they may feel, or even turn into our lowest points because of Satan.

Elder Holland says that "With any major decision there are cautions and considerations to make, but once there has been illumination, beware the temptation to retreat from a good thing. If it was right when you prayed about it and trusted it and lived for it, it is right now. Don’t give up when the pressure mounts. Certainly don’t give in to that being who is bent on the destruction of your happiness. Face your doubts. Master your fears. 'Cast not away therefore your confidence.' Stay the course and see the beauty of life unfold for you."

He tells us that "This opposition turns up almost any place something good has happened. It can happen when you are trying to get an education. It can hit you after your first month in your new mission field. It certainly happens in matters of love and marriage. It can occur in situations related to your family, Church callings, or career." And that is so true. When I look back at the moments in my life, where I was doing my best, that is when I felt the pressure to do my worst. And ironically enough, the moments where I have been my lowest, are the moments that I have drawn closest to God and strengthened my testimony in Him.

Something I have been falling short on is my ability to have confidence in myself, and in my decisions. I don't pray to know as often as I should, and then when I do, I doubt that my thoughts are coming from God, or if they are coming from myself. (You see, I am definitely an overthinker.) As Elder Holland explains, we can apply a great message from Moses to our every day lives today:

"Don’t let your guard down. Don’t assume that a great revelation, some marvelous, illuminating moment, the opening of an inspired path, is the end of it. Remember, it isn’t over until it’s over.

And God will help us to know when it is over.

My favorite quote from the whole devotional is this:

"The reminder is that we cannot sign on for a battle of such eternal significance and everlasting consequence without knowing it will be a fight—a good fight and a winning fight, but a fight nevertheless."

How often are we fighting for what is right? How often do we sit back and allow wrong to happen in our lives and in the lives of those around us? It's hard. This life is a fight. But just as Elder Holland states, "..we cannot sign on for a battle of such eternal signficance... without knowing it will be a fight...". And I am prepared to win the fight.

Something that brings me great comfort is this thought; "Fear ye not, stand still, and see the salvation of the Lord. … The Lord shall fight for you.”

The devotional ends with Elder Holland exclaiming, "If God has told you something is right, if something is indeed true for you, He will provide the way for you to accomplish it."

I have seen that in my own life, in my families lives, and in my relationships. I know that to be true. God will never allow us to be tempted more than we are able, and he will always provide a way for us to accomplish the things he asks of us.

We are here for a reason. This life is hard, but it is a test. And I want to pass it. I will pass it, with flying colors, and I will live in eternal salvation with my family forever. I cannot wait. :)

If anyone would like to read this talk as a whole; it is called “Cast Not Away Therefore Your Confidence” by Elder Jeffrey R. Holland. And you can find that on www.lds.org.

:)

A special surprise...

I had the opportunity to surprise Jaymeson and his daughter with a very special video yesterday morning that brought them both to tears.

Jaymeson had a lot of videos and pictures of Jayah growing up, learning to walk, and learning to talk on his old blackberry phone. He no longer had the phone and had no way to get the pictures and videos off of his tiny little SIM card, which made him really sad that he would probably never be able to see them again.

After weeks of trying to figure out a way, I finally found someone (Justin Smith) who had the same phone that Jaymeson used to have, that could put the SIM card in and download all of the information for me.

After I looked at all the adorable little videos of Jayah, I decided I wanted to put together a special video to make him cry. (That was my goal... and it worked. haha)

Kristi Teshima and I worked on this video for weeks. We had a few other people help us gather more pictures and videos, and I secretly questioned Jaymeson about songs and sayings that meant things to him and Jayah until it slowly all came together and we had enough material to make a video.

I came over to Jaymeson's house early Saturday morning while he was still sleeping, stuck it into his DVD player and turned it on. He woke up to the sound of one of the lullabies he used to sing Jayah to sleep with and came out to see the video playing in the DVD player.

It was a very sweet moment for him, and I'm grateful I was able to capture and put together something special for him that he will have for the rest of his life.

Here it is: :)

Tuesday the 30th

On to more serious thoughts...

For those of you who can't read that:

"The time you invest to deeply understand the people you love brings tremendous dividends in open communication. Many of the problems that plague families and marriages simply won't have time to fester and develop. The communication becomes so open that potential problems can be nipped in the bud."

My parents are divorced, I'm divorced, and because I'm divorced, a lot of people that I know are divorced.

This "Habit for Highly Effective People", I believe, could save marriages.

If you look back on all the relationships you know of, of people that are divorced... I bet communication was one of the top causes in their divorce. I know that when I first got divorced, a good friend of mine was preparing a lesson in Relief Society and she wanted to know my thoughts on "characteristics of successful relationships" and that was the first thing that popped into my head. Communication.

Now, Heaven knows my divorce was caused by much more than miscommunication, but I firmly believe that if we had communicated properly with each other, a lot could have been avoided.

In my relationships with my family, friends, roommates, people at work, and even with Jaymeson, I've noticed the difference in communicating issues and solutions when they come about, instead of letting them fester and blow up days later. It's ALWAYS a good thing, and it's probably saved a lot of my relationships with people.

I'm obviously not a pro at it, but I'm working on it. And I know and value the importance of it.

Just passing along some knowledge... :)

A dyslexic guy walks into a bra...

So I just downloaded an app that allows me to blog on my phone. I think that's amazing. So I'm taking this opportunity to find anything I can write about in my last 1/2 hour of work...


Hence the joke. (And no that is not a typo.)

PS. Don't tell my boss. :-O

Bless the Broken Road.

Thank you to Rascal Flatts for inspiring this next blog post.

Jaymeson and I had the opportunity to go to a Rascal Flatts concert this weekend with some of our friends. (They were amazing, but that's besides the point.) We had a good time, we laughed, we sang, Brandon almost got beat up, and I won a huge beach ball from the radio station. :)

But I think the most important thing I (re)learned this weekend, was that everything happens for a reason.

While Rascal Flatts was singing their famous song "Bless the Broken Road", Brandon snapped this picture of us:

(Its obviously been photoshopped cuz I'm cheesy, ok?)

When I saw this picture, and heard the song, all I could think about was God really did bless my road. I've been hurt. Seriously hurt. By many men, family members, friends, lots of people. But everywhere I've been is exactly where I should have been. And everywhere I'm going has everything to do with the road God blessed me with. Looking back on all the pain, I wouldn't change it for the world.

I used to always tell myself and everyone else that Jon was an answer to my prayers. He magically appeared into my life right after I ended a very long and hurtful relationship. He swooped in and swept me off my feet, and because of him, I easily healed and moved on from that relationship when it otherwise could have been a very long and hard process. When I first got divorced, I spent a lot of time angry at that thought. How and why would God put Jonathan into my life to help me heal from my previous, devasting relationship and then turn around and hurt me worse?

Two reasons:

1. I did need Jonathan to help me heal from that relationship. But also, I believe the heartbreak of that previous relationship helped to prepare me for the hurt that would come from my marriage. Jon helped me heal from that relationship, and in turn he helped me to know how to heal from our relationship.

2. Jonathan led me to Jaymeson. Weird, right? Jaymeson and I know each other through a very twisted, complicated string of people. But without my marriage to Jon, I would never have known Jaymeson. And my broken road, has thus far, lead me to him.

I learned a lot down this long and crooked journey (Whoops, popped into Bachelor mode for a second. When does the next season start anyways?) that I've been on. I learned to love unconditionally, I learned to allow myself to cry (well, almost), I learned to be honest with myself, I learned to trust, I learned to be independent, I learned to give myself completely, and so many other qualities I hope to continue in all of my relationships. But most of all, I learned that God is with me the whole way.

I don't know where Jaymeson and I will go, but I do know that because of him I am a better person. And because of me, he is a better person. We fight and argue and bicker just like every other real relationship, but we also laugh and cry and dance and love together. We teach each other, we help each other, we have learned so much about ourselves and each other and relationships that if we do not end up together, we will be one hundred times more prepared for our "soul mate" (if you believe in those) than we would have been otherwise. We each are in the place that we need to be, and for what ever reason, we need each other now. And I'm grateful that my very broken road led me straight to him.

:)

"It's all part of a grander plan that is coming true."

My New Favorite Song

I live for music.

Jaymeson showed me this song this week and we both have been listening to it nonstop. 

I guess I'll share :)

Enjoy. :)