Music to my Soul

I have always loved to sing. I grew up singing karaoke with my dad from as early as I can remember. I've been in choirs my whole life, church and school. And I just love to sing.

I wouldn't say I'm amazing, but I'm decent. I can hold a tune, I can read music, and I can harmonize, etc..

But one thing that makes me happier than anything is when I hear Jayah softly say to Jaymeson, "I like it when Heather sings. It makes me happy."

I'll sing to you for the rest of our lives, little one. Love you Jayah-Bug.

Diaries of the Unemployed

So, I lost my job recently. It has been a hard thing and a good thing. Definitely not what I would have imagined.

Hard, because I've had a full time job since I was 15 years old. It's weird for me to not be working every day. I like to work.

Also hard, because both Jaymeson and I need to work to support our family at this point in time. It's been a struggle and a bit of stress wondering if and how we are going to make it.

However, it has been a GOOD thing for a few more reasons.

First, and most importantly... Jaymeson was hit by a car at work last week. If I was working, I wouldn't have been able to answer the phone when I got the call, I wouldn't have been able to be there at the hospital with him, and I wouldn't have been able to stay home with him to take care of him. That has definitely been a blessing.

Second, I have been able to do all sorts of "wifey" things that I wasn't able to do before. For example, cook dinner every night, clean and organize the house, get rid of half of our wardrobe and do all of our laundry. It's such a good feeling being able to be a WIFE. When I was married to my first husband, I went to work full time and to school full time. I was gone from 7:30 AM to about 10:00 PM every night. I was the sole provider for our family and it really wore me down not being able to be a wife to my husband. This time is a little different because I wasn't going to school while working, but I was definitely worn down from the work I was doing, and even the commute every day. I have felt better about myself being able to contribute a lot around the house every day. It makes being home much more enjoyable.

Third, I found myself struggling with depression. I was angry all the time, I was annoyed with people I worked with, I was short with people I worked for, etc. It was bad and it was affecting my home life. Now that I am not working at that job, I have felt HAPPIER. I still have a ways to go in terms of overcoming all of this, but I am far less concerned about the long term outcome of those feelings than I believe I would have been otherwise.

I am a hard worker. That is something that anyone would tell you about me. Although I definitely know that I don't want this whole unemployed thing to last forever, I do feel comforted in the fact that I know it was supposed to happen at this time and that some way, some how, we will be blessed.

Disposables

Somebody mentioned something the other day, that reminded me of a lesson I learned a long time ago.

Marriage is (not) disposable.

When I was in high school, I remember a conversation with my Bishop where he was talking about the difference between now and 10, 20, 40, 50 years ago.

Twenty-plus years ago, people worked hard for everything they had. If the toaster was broken, they'd fix it. If pants had a hole in them, they'd patch them up. If feelings were hurt, they'd mend them If a marriage was broken... they would work hard to fix it. People rarely took things for granted because they had to work hard to get it. They appreciated everything they had and took care of it.

Today, everything is disposable. People don't work for anything. People take everything for granted. Everyone is constantly looking for "out with the old, in with the new." If the toaster is broken, let's throw it away and buy a new one. If our pants are holey, let's get rid of them and get some more. If our marriage is broken, let's just get divorced. That's easier, right?

Wrong.

I realize that's harsh. I realize that some people aren't like that. But I have little faith in people these days. But there is one thing I have faith in...

I made a vow to myself, to God, to my family, to my husband that I would fight to the death for my marriage. No matter how hard it got, I would fight for it. That's what I did before, snd that's what I intend to do now.

Lucky for me, I found someone who feels the same way.

My Happiness Project.

I have found myself lately being fairly depressed while I am at home and Jaymeson is working late. Life is hard when the only person you want to spend every second with, has to spend most of their seconds somewhere else.

I don't really have any hobbies, all of my friends live everywhere EXCEPT within a 40 mile radius of me, I hate our house (we are moving soon) so there are no projects there, and I'm tired of spending so much time on the couch, watching movies. I want to GET OUT and do something!

Today I was google-ing "Things to do to make you happy" and came across this website...

Click Here

...and decided that for the next little while, I am going to leisurely complete every single one of these tasks, on my own, while Jaymeson is at work. Starting today. And to make it even more difficult, I am going to do them in the order they are listed. I'll keep you updated. :)

Eat that, unhappy Heather!

The Day I Became a Wife and a Mother

Hello everyone! You are now looking at the new Mrs. Jaymeson Roush! Woo hoo!

Our wedding day was definitely everything we never imagined. And I mean that literally.

The day before the wedding, my dress got lost at the dry cleaners, the flowers we ordered didn't actual get ordered or delivered, and some... other drama. My dad, my sister and I spent the entire day running errands and putting last minute things together. Jaymeson and his friends went out for a little bachelor party that night, so it was just me, Jayah, my mom, and my sister hanging out and packing for the honeymoon. We finished some last minute honeymoon shopping at about midnight and went back to the hotel for a blessing from my sweet brother and grandfather, and then bed.

I woke up early early the next morning (wedding day) with a stomach ache and back pain. I was able to spend the night at the Hilton Garden Inn with my mom and sister. They had snuck out before I woke up so they could get me breakfast in bed. When they came back, I was already awake and the second I saw them, I immediately cried. My mom laughed because it was kind of ridiculous, and then talked to me for a bit about my nerves and helped me to feel better. She told me that she would never forget that moment. Her daughter, on her wedding day, sitting in bed, watching cartoons, eating breakfast, and crying her eyes out.

We ended up finishing our food, and then rushing out to go take care of some last minute errands. Including getting my ring cleaned, buying a special surprise to give to Jayah at our ring ceremony, and picking up AND delivering the flowers that were supposed to be delivered the day before. I was supposed to meet with my good friend Cassie (also my hair and make up artist) at the hotel at 11, but I was of course, late. I got there shortly after and was surprised that she brought my long lost best friend, Stephanie, with her! She ran to gave me a hug, and I cried again. I couldn't help it, I was nervous, and stressed, and anxious! haha

Cassie and Stephanie helped make me and Miss Jayah beautiful for our big day, and then we rushed over to the temple.

Our sealing in the Jordan River Temple was set for 2:00 PM. Jaymeson, true to his colors, was 45 minutes late. (We were supposed to be there at 1 to work out paperwork, etc, and 1:45 comes around and along strolls in my handsome almost-husband.)

The sealing, however, was the best part of the whole day. We walked into a room full of family and friends and people who supported us. I was shocked. I looked around the room and literally cried because of all the love and support I felt in the room. (Ok, I practically cried the whole week, but really this was an emotional moment for me.) I sat down next to my sweetheart (who was nervous as heck) and listened to the sealer share some beautiful words. And then we got married! It was amazing. Jaymeson and I looked into each other's eyes the whole time and all of my fears washed away. I knew that he was the man I was going to spend eternity with, and I couldn't have been any happier.

Afterwards, we were greeted by so many loved ones outside the temple. We took a few pictures and dismissed everyone so we could take pictures of our brand new, official, family.

Afterwards, we left for our ring ceremony and reception. The ring ceremony ran late, but it was short and sweet. Jayah played the part of flower girl perfectly, and my dad walked me down the aisle. Jaymeson's brother Blake "officiated" and it was pretty cute. We exchanged rings, and gave Jayah a gift for her to remember our special day. Then we had the reception.

Practically nothing went the way that we planned, and after about two weeks of being emotional and thinking about it constantly, I have decided that it doesn't matter and it's not worth my time to talk to about it. The place was beautiful, the pictures are beautiful, and we are finally married. And that's all that matters.

We left for the night and headed home, woke up early in the morning and headed off for our honeymoon. Honeymoon was awesome, but I'll save that for another post.

Being married to Mr. Jaymeson Roush has been, so far, the best 3 weeks of my life. Jaymeson and I didn't have the easiest dating life, we have had to deal with and overcome practically every challenge in the book. Being a new mom to Jayah is also pretty amazing. I have been a major part of her and her dad's life since she was 2, so we are pretty used to each other, but I love being able to say that she is my daughter. She makes it easier than I ever would have thought this would be. Although it's only been 3 weeks, I know, without a doubt, that Jaymeson and I are supposed to be together, and Jayah is supposed to be part of our little family. Being married to him is definitely different and a thousand times better than being married to... well, you know. And our family is a solid one. I can't wait for the years to come, watching Jayah grow, and adding new additions to our perfect family.

Several years ago (and by several, I mean like 10), one of my most favorite people in the world mentioned to me that every time she sees her husband, she thinks to herself "Wow, that man is good looking." I don't know why that stood out to me so much, but it was something I always thought to myself would be cool to have, but probably wouldn't happen to me. But it did! Every time I see Jaymeson, I smile to myself and say "Wow, that man is good looking." :)

 















Shout out to Dave Neeley Photography. It is because of him that I no longer worry about the bad things that happened at the wedding. Him and his lovely wife, Cassie, took a very frustrating day and gave us beautiful pictures to look back on. I couldn't be happier with our choice of photographer and can't wait to see the rest!

For a sweet little sneak peak of the reception, click here!!

7/21/12

Today I got to be there to experience Jaymeson go through the temple for the first time. Oh my goodness, it was beautiful and perfect and better than I could have imagined! Normally the man gets to see the women go through the first time, but in our unique situation, I was blessed to be worthy to be there with him when he made such an important step in his eternal life. And I cried like a baby. (I blame the birth control.)

I'm going to admit that I was a little bit nervous. I was unsure of what he would think, or how he would feel. But he was a complete natural! I feel like I have been waiting for this moment forever, but I think I forgot that Jaymeson has been waiting even longer. He has completely turned his life around and prepared for this moment, coming up on 3 years.

I'm so proud of my Jaymeson for taking initiative of his own life and making the choice to get sealed in the temple some day. Today he made sacred covenants that many doubted he ever would. One week from today he and I will be starting our eternal family, and although I know so many doubted us and fought hard to break us apart, I could not be happier to be spending the rest of eternity with such a wonderful man. He has helped me become someone to be proud of and I couldn't have asked for a more loving person to share my life with.

Congratulations Jaymeson, you are an incredible example to your family and friends. I love you!

7 more days...

A friend of a friend...

I realized something rather interesting at my Bridal Shower this past weekend.

There was a variety of people there, most that didn't know each other. As friends were introducing themselves to one another, the subject of how they knew me came up. Probably close to half of those girls there knew me as a result of my ex husband.

There was an old coworker of his.
An old friend of his sister's.
One or two good friends who took me in during my separation.
His old mission companion's wife.
His best friend's brother's wife.
A roommate from just after my divorce. 
The bridal shower even unknowingly took place in a home that I spent the summer of my separation learning to sew in.
Heck, I only know my fiance because of him!

As I heard the laughter of everyone's crazy story on how they know me, someone mentioned to me about how I must have gotten the friends in the divorce. As funny as that is, I think it is true! Mostly I don't talk to anyone I knew from when I was married, but those that I do are mostly mutual friends of ours that have stayed close to me and have supported me in my efforts to restore my life.

I am so grateful for the love and support that so many people have shown me going through my divorce up until finding the man of my dreams and marrying him for eternity. I know I couldn't have done it without so many of them, and I am so grateful that God has blessed me with some beautiful people to share my experiences with.

Guess I definitely got the better end of the deal.