A Sad Story

I come from a family of 6 other siblings. Four brothers and two sisters. I stand right in the middle. Number 4 of 7. Number 2 girl of 3. And I also have 2 older brothers and two younger brothers.

I have always shared a room with my sisters. I never had my own room until I was about 14 and we moved into a bigger house that allowed the 4 of us left at home to all have our own rooms.

My sisters have always been my best friends. Although, I annoyed my older sister by stealing her clothes and make up, and my younger sister annoyed me by stealing my clothes and make up. We grew closer and closer as we grow older.

When I got old enough to leave the nest, I had to make a big decision between going off to college only an hour and a half from home, or going off to college halfway across the country. My plan had always been to head off to AggieLand and live with my older sister and be best friends with her forever like one, big, happy family. After lots of praying and meditating, I made the decision to ditch my plans, and head off to ice cold Rexburg, ID... right in the middle of Winter.

I'm getting off topic.

During all of that praying and meditating, something happened. Things changed between my sister and I. Her beliefs and feelings about a lot of things changed, and she distanced herself from all of us.

For four years, we slowly grew apart, which turned into no communication at all. I was blocked on facebook, calls and texts were never returned, and all of the sudden, I no longer had an older sister. I don't even know how it happened.

So, occassionally (and quite often), I think about my sister and wonder how she's doing. I wander onto facebook and the internet and try to find any information I can about her. I search her name to see if I can find a blog, a social network, a picture, anything. Most of the time I have absolutely no luck. But yesterday, I found something.

You see, a big reason why she distanced herself from all of us, was because she changed religions. She went from being a Christian (LDS) to being an Atheist, in what I felt like was overnight. Our conversations turned into arguments about the beliefs of the LDS church, and that was about it. She felt like we had abandoned her because she changed her beliefs. And although, I can't really speak for the rest of my family, I know that I always made it clear that I didn't care what she believed, I just didn't want to be pushed to disbelieve what I have believed and trusted my entire life. She was still my sister, and I loved her no matter what.

So I was searching for anything on my sister and I came across a google link that read "Is it (insert sister's name here)? I don't want to add the wrong person." I clicked and read. The post was from a person who was talking about their facebook account, and how they sometimes write contraversial things about religion to wrile people up. They explained that they lived in Utah County, and all of their facebook friends were devout Mormons and would always get upset about the things he would write. He was asking for people who were less than Mormon to befriend him, or lead him a direction of less than Mormons that he could befriend so that he could have other friends to trash Mormonish with. People commented, and then one person said "Add (insert sister's name here)."

I was devastated. I understand that my sister has chosen a different path than I have. And I understand that things are different. But, how could my sister be associated with such hateful people and hateful talk about something that I love so dearly. I don't understand it, and my heart hurts to think about it.

It's been over a year since my sister last spoke with me. I don't even know if she thinks about me, or wonders about me. And I certainly don't know if she reads my blog, so I may be risking even more by posting this. But I have realized that my blog is a place for my feelings. A place I can express myself, and let out all of my emotions. I just hope that one day, my sister will miss me and wonder about me, so that it may lead her to me again. I miss her.

Day 21 - A picture of something you wish you could forget

I have nothing to say here. If there ever was something I wished I could forget, I probably forgot it.

Maybe this memory loss thing isn't such a bad thing....?

On another note, I miss my boyfriend. And I hate his job.

Up next: Day 22 - A picture of something you wish you were better at. Oooh the possibilities.

Day 10 - A picture of the person you do the most messed up things with

This

is my BEST FRIEND 

Raven

 Beautiful, isn't she?

This

is Raven, 

and her BOYFRIEND

Andy.

But before Andy,

was THIS...

And this...

And this...

 And this...

And this...

And this...

And this...

And this...

And this...

And this...

And this...

And this...

And now this...

Raven and I have been through EVERYTHING.

Literally.

Boyfriends, Each other's boyfriends, Sneaking out, Getting grounded, Sleepovers, Grey's Anatomy, LOST, Freschetta Pizza, Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough ice cream, Goldfish, Mooshie (or taco), Proms, Homecomings, Church, School, First cars, First loves, Break ups, Forever 21, Barney, CDs, Stealing each other's clothes, Sisters, Fake nails, Black hair, College, Road trips, Make up, and so so much more.

I know this post was supposed to be about the "messed up" things we have done together. But those are our little secrets :)

I love you Raven Marie Moesser. I'm so happy to have you in my life. I don't know where I'd be without you, besides less trouble in high school. ;) I'm excited for our futures, and I hope we have an eternity of friendship ahead of us. :)

Day 6 - A picture of a person you'd love to trade places with for a day

This was hard for me.

I wanted to say some kind of celebrity, but really? How boring would that be?

So then I thought I wanted to say some kind of a millionaire so I could have anything I wanted. That might be cool, but I don't want to waste this one wish on something like that.

So then I decided on...

a kid.

I don't know this kid, but she's pretty dang cute.

I've decided recently that I miss being a kid.

I miss being innocent and naive, without a care in the world. How fun would it be to find happiness in the littlest things again?

I feel like I spent most of my life growing up way too fast. I always wanted to be Miss Independent and a lot older than I actually was, taking on way too much responsibility. I didn't ever seem to stop and enjoy what it was actually like to be a kid. I don't even remember being a kid for the most part. I think I still struggle with that.

Just stop and smell the roses, Heather.

Ok.

Day 5 - A picture of your favorite memory

Remember how I have a terrible memory?

...yea.

After trying to review my brain to remember a favorite memory--

I've settled on my 9th Birthday. December 30, 1997.

My dad is a cool guy. He's been in rock bands and country bands my whole life.

While my mom was pregnant with me, his band

(High Velocity, right Dad?) was on tour in Galveston, TX.

My mom went out to visit him, and while she was there, went into labor.

This picture is from a special trip I got to take with just my dad, back to Galveston.

Geez, look how nerdy I was.

I had never been there before, besides for a few days

in the hospital after I was born.

My dad and I went down that direction for a funeral

of one of his family members.

I think it was one of his uncles, or something.

On the way back, we spent a couple days in Galveston.

My dad showed me around everywhere.

We rode the trolley, he took me to the beach,

we toured the ship that I'm named after, The Elissa.

We rode the ferry, and watched for dolphins.

Speaking of riding the ferry... this picture is hilarious!

This is me being scared of the seagulls on the ferry. Haha!

That was an awesome trip. It was one of the few times I got to spend

with just my dad, and I loved every second of it!

P.S. My dad is a nut.

On the way home from Galveston, I remember that he

got pulled over while I was sleeping.

When he stopped, it woke me up, and I asked him

what we were doing, and he told me that

the cop just wanted to stop by and say hello.

Thanks Dad. Haha!

Next...

Day 6 - A picture of a person you'd love to trade places with for a day